You’re familiar with the Furies, yes? The terrifying goddesses of vengeance in Greek mythology who rise up from hell to torment the wicked? The divine and find out that follows mortal fuck-aroundery? The greatest revenge manual of all time—the Oxford English Dictionary—describes them as follows: “avenging deities … dread goddesses with snakes twined in their hair, sent from Tartarus to avenge wrong and punish crime: in later accounts, three in number (Tisiphone, Megæra, Alecto).” Superhuman life-ruiners, in other words. Tisiphone holds you down; Megæra and Alecto go to work. They’ve got box-cutters forged in the fires of Olympus and they love it when you beg for mercy.
Look, I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. But generally speaking? You never want to shoot pool against a man named after a state, and you really never want to get on the wrong side of a goddess with an “æ” in her name. That’s called a ligature, and it’s bad news. It’s also the sound you’re going to make—æææææææ—when Megæra & Co. get started with you. The girls are not kidding around.
I’ll be honest, though: For the past few years, I’ve been worried about them. Their job performance simply hasn’t been up to snuff. Their VORVD (Value Over Replacement Vengeance Deity) was plummeting. Wrongdoers were thriving everywhere you looked; divine punishment was more or less nonexistent. A cabal of sadists, liars, oligarchs, scammers, and suck-ups had conquered the United States government through the most vicious and merciless means possible—by tweeting—and it seemed like they were just going to keep winning forever, with no comeuppance.
Health influencers would keep convincing people that feeding lead paint to infants was the only way to achieve herd immunity against athlete’s foot. The Trump family would eventually move past the crypto-scam stage and start taking money directly out of your bank account, for “protection.” Elon Musk would buy the moon and do something incredibly lame with it. The Furies were out to lunch, or maybe, like a lot of highly specialized workers born in other countries, they’d had their visas revoked and been forced to move.
Over the past week or so, however, the ladies have clocked back in. First there was the overwhelming defeat of the Republican Party in the U.S. midterm elections. Then, over the past few days, a rapid series of events—spy scandals, impeachment proceedings, vehicle cancelations, theologically-inflected TV interviews—indicated that the massive cultural vibe shift Election Day hinted at was coming faster than anyone could have guessed. This was the week when the other shoe dropped. Some of the most unprincipled assholes on the planet are finally getting put in their places, and the hair-snakes on a certain dread goddess trio are looking glossy AF. Welcome back, terrifying queens. We missed you.
Let’s take a look at how some of the biggest MAGA schemers, tech authoritarians, and culture-war grifters have fared in the week since the blue tsunami.
1. Elon Musk: Lost His Beloved Dumpster Truck
When: Friday, November 6
What happened: Musk announced that Tesla would phase out production of the Cybertruck, the rolling culture-war ID badge that became a fetish object for extremely divorced Musk stans, crypto enthusiasts, and dudes who think they’re well read because they got their girlfriend (ChatGPT) to summarize The Odyssey for them before they saw the movie, which was woke. The Cybertruck, despite not looking like a dumpster, thank you very much—
—sold execrably over the not quite four years of its existence. (Tesla thought it would sell 250,000 Cybertrucks a year; it sells about 12 percent of that number.) Musk says his beloved aluminum lozenge is being phased out because robotaxis are more profitable; the saddest thing is that the truck never fulfilled its promise of being able to swim across “rivers, lakes, and even seas that aren’t too choppy” (though some of our brightest minds did try).
How bad is it: Probably not as bad as spending nearly $500 million to influence elections and then losing every race you tried to influence, which Musk also managed last week. But the Cybertruck was very much Musk’s baby. It was the Tesla product that meant the most to him, the one that bore the stamp—the hideous, misconceived stamp—of his personal creative involvement. Musk is still rich, and since he recently moved from California to Texas, he still lives in a blue state. So everything’s basically status quo for him. But the embarrassment’s gotta hurt.
Fury rating: ææææææææææææ
What’s next: Congressional investigations! Also, depending on what happens with tech stocks (more on that in a minute), possibly a pretty significant dip in that $900 billion net worth.
2. Pete Hegseth: Impeached by a Republican
When: Monday, November 9
What happened: OK, Hegseth wasn’t actually impeached. House Republicans banded together on Tuesday evening to block the effort to impeach him. (A bunch of Democrats, inexplicably, didn’t show up to vote.) But still. Eight articles of impeachment were filed against Hegseth by Thomas Massie, a libertarian-inflected Republican congressman from Kentucky and a longtime Trump critic. And the fact that a majority Republican House—remember, the Democrats who just swept the midterms won’t be sworn in until January—was voting at all on a sweeping condemnation of their special square-jawed warfighter was astounding in its own right. The articles accused Hegseth of “high crimes and misdemeanors,” including waging war without congressional approval, ignoring laws meant to minimize civilian casualties, and carrying out the extrajudicial killings of more than 240 people through Caribbean boat strikes.
How bad is it: Pete’s in real trouble. He may have squeaked past this week’s attempt to oust him from office, but he’s still the face of the administration’s failure in Iran, and a lot of Republicans are settling on the war as the reason for their blowout loss in the midterms. Rumors that Trump would fire him were swirling even before the impeachment attempt. For Hegseth, though, the worst part may be how savagely Massie roasted him in front of the media on Monday. I mean, look at this beatdown:
“I hope he addresses the eight articles,” Massie said, answering a question about how Hegseth might respond to the news. “[I hope he] doesn’t get up and misquote the Bible in Quentin Tarantino fashion, and do some pull-ups, and, you know, call everybody fat and gay for being for this impeachment. Like … I may have just given you half his speech.”
Like many Trump officials, including the president himself, Hegseth isn’t so much running a government agency as putting on a TV show. Getting bodied that hard by a pompous little congressman in a three-piece suit is a bad, bad look for someone who wants you to think he’s America’s most alpha former morning-show host.
Fury rating: æææææææææææææææææææææææææææ
What’s next: More impeachment proceedings in the much more anti-Hegseth House that takes office in January, if Trump doesn’t fire him first.
3. JD Vance: Tried to Flee the Sinking Ship Without the Captain Knowing
When: Wednesday, November 4, the day after the midterms
What happened: Vance posted a lengthy message on X arguing that the Republican election obliteration was due primarily to the Iran war. This is a false and self-serving analysis. It’s self-serving because Vance has vaguely positioned himself as the anti-war MAGA guy, though, like all his positions, that one’s too fluid and two-faced to count as an actual conviction. And it’s false because it leaves out everything else that made voters turn on MAGA: corruption, ICE brutality, tariffs, racism, trans scapegoating. For that reason, it’s a tempting story for shell-shocked MAGA operatives—they can keep doing almost all the same stuff!—but it’s nonsense, and Vance’s only motive in posting it is to improve his positioning over the rest of his 2028 rivals.
As with everything Vance says, the real takeaway of the post wasn’t its overt message so much as the wormy-squirmy way it tried to sneak its bad-faith intentions past its audience. In this case, the point was very clearly to blame Trump for the election and distance Vance from the administration, but to do so in such an underhanded way that Trump himself wouldn’t notice. Because it’s Vance, however, everyone instantly noticed, and it made him seem less trustworthy than ever.
How bad is it: On the surface, not that bad; Republicans have more immediate problems than Vance’s intrinsic oiliness. On the other hand, Vance clearly wants to be president, and his intrinsic oiliness will probably keep him from getting there, so in that sense, it’s sort of devastating every time he opens his mouth. When you write a tweet to salvage your political future from the wreckage of a generational ass-kicking and all that happens is an op-ed in The New York Times calls you “probably toast,” maybe you should think about taking a vow of silence for the rest of your career.
Fury rating: æææ
What’s next: The long, slow march of the decades during which Vance will have no choice but to see his own face every time he looks in the mirror. (Fury rating: ææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææ.)
4. Jensen Huang: Honey-Trapped by an Alleged Chinese Spy
When: As far back as June 2024, but the shit really hit the fan on Sunday, November 8
What happened: Huang, the CEO of Nvidia—the multitrillion-dollar chip-making company at the core of the AI industry—had an affair with a Chinese executive named Alice Huang (no relation), who’s allegedly an asset of Beijing’s Ministry of State Security. Trump was briefed on the situation in October 2025 but chose to do nothing about it. Let me repeat: Trump, who talks incessantly about the need to beat China in the AI race, found out more than a year ago that one of the most powerful executives in the industry was sleeping with a Chinese spy, and took no action whatsoever. Jensen was his buddy, and his buddy was getting some; national security is important, but no doctrine is more central to this administration’s identity than not cockblocking elite men. After The New York Times reported on the affair, Huang denied it, then admitted it in a company-wide memo. My colleague Katie Baker has the full story.
How bad is it: It’s bad. It is so, so bad. It’s so bad that you and I could lose our jobs over it. Thanks to wild irresponsibility across government, business, and finance, the American economy is now inextricably bound up with the AI industry. The AI industry is locked in a furious competition with China, and industry knowledge is regarded as a state secret on the order of military technology. At the same time, Nvidia is at the center of an intricate and fragile web of circular financing that’s propping up the entire AI sector. If investors bail on Nvidia stock because Huang was compromised by a Chinese secret agent, the whole thing probably comes crashing down. If the whole thing comes crashing down, the 2008 financial crisis is going to look like a pleasant little blip by comparison.
Both Nvidia and (according to Trump, so take it with a colossal grain of salt) the FBI are now investigating Huang, but his power at Nvidia is so vast—he’s run the company for decades, and his children are also powerful executives there—that it will be hard to force him out. If he goes, Nvidia loses all its perceived stability; if he stays, the AI industry loses all credibility on national security. Yikes!
Fury rating: æææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææ
What’s next: Huang tries to make it up to his wife of 40 years? Huang apologizes for the countless times he’s tried to bully policymakers and the public into accepting a cartoonishly simplistic narrative about AI’s value to society? Huang somehow buys a wardrobe of even worse jackets?
In retrospect, it might have been a mistake to place the future of civilization in the hands of a horny sexagenarian who doesn’t know his own address.
5. Laura Loomer: Suspended Her Podcast to Focus on Her Family
When: Thursday, November 5
What happened: The Trump ally, self-proclaimed “proud Islamophobe” and “pro-white nationalist,” and social media personality Laura Loomer suspended her podcast, LoomerUnleashed, after going on one of the most deranged posting sprees of all time. Please stop to consider the full implications of that statement. In the 28 hours after the midterms, Loomer posted more than 130 times. She questioned whether God is still in charge of the universe. She declared that “the American Dream is dead.” (Evidence? Her friend saw a woman in a niqab.) She said that “our country is polluted by non-white foreigners” and that “nuclear holocaust” is coming for the U.S. The posting was so relentless and so unhinged that Marjorie Taylor Greene—now a Loomer enemy in the increasingly byzantine trenches of MAGA infighting—said she was “probably living in a state of psychosis.” The next day, Loomer announced that she was stepping away from LoomerUnleashed. Why? To concentrate on her family and “a healthy work life balance.”
How bad is it: Worse than it looks. Two days after her show went on hiatus, The Washington Post reported that Loomer had been paid thousands of dollars for political tweets without disclosing the payments. She stepped away from LoomerUnleashed immediately before she would have had to address allegations that she’d been misleading her followers for money. That’s right: Someone in the United States, in the year 2026, actually had to face the tiniest of consequences for being an amoral grifter. RING ALL THE BELLS ACROSS THE LAND. WE HAVE JUST WITNESSED A MIRACLE.
Fury rating: æææææææææææææææææææææææææææææ
What’s next: I assume Loomer’s family will be delighted to have her around more often. They’ll take long walks, during which she’ll regale them with her thoughts on sharia law. On Taco Tuesday she’ll explain why Democrats are unclean heathens who should be tortured before they’re killed; on family game night she’ll interrupt Trivial Pursuit to explain that PizzaGate was really, actually true. Maybe she’ll get a puppy. Maybe she’ll charge her fiancé $10,000 to let him name it. It’s going to be wholesome. It’s going to be pure.
6. Mike Cernovich: Forced to Endure Life on a Slave Planet
When: Friday, November 6
What happened: The right-wing fabulist, conspiracy monger, and social media bully Mike Cernovich took to X to address how he was dealing with the midterm election results. In the process, he produced one of the greatest documents of Tough Guy Nihilism Cope ever published.
How bad is it: There’s a certain type of guy who’s utterly consumed by self-pity but is terrified of seeming vulnerable. He wants the world to comfort him, but he can’t show any of the emotions he needs to be comforted for. What he does instead is talk very grimly, in a sort of Dude Playing Batman tone, about how hardened, jaded, and indifferent he is. But he does it in such a way that the more existentially callous he sounds, the more obvious it is to everyone listening that what he’s really saying is I AM A TINY BABY AND I WANT TO BE ROCKED IN MY CRADLE.
Let’s parse the Cernovich tweet. “I don’t care about myself.” (I AM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE.) “Never especially enjoyed ‘life’” (PICK ME UP AND SOOTHE ME) “as this place felt like a slave planet from my first moment of consciousness.” (I HAVE FELT A LITTLE SAD FOR THE LAST 15 MINUTES AND I CANNOT POSSIBLY BEAR IT.) “I only remain here to serve my family and humanity.” (MY FAMILY AND HUMANITY MUST SERVE ME.) “Trump is surrounded by subhumans.” (I AM A REAL BOY, AND I WANT MY BLANKET.)
Personally, I think it would be embarrassing to posture like this. Perhaps I just don’t have a high enough (?) vibration (??) to understand.
Fury rating: æ (if “life” was a slave planet from your first moment of consciousness, you must be pretty used to it)
What’s next: Life on the slave planet continues in all its unceasing bleakness for the rest of eternity, or at least until Cernovich hears someone tell him “poor sweetie.”
7. Russell Brand: Sentenced to 10 Years in Prison for Rape
When: Monday, November 9
What happened: You may remember Russell Brand as the florid, preening, unfunny English comedian who co-starred in a series of Hollywood comedies (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Get Him to the Greek) in the late 2000s and early 2010s. More recently, Brand has become a YouTube conspiracy theorist, COVID denialist, anti-Ukraine activist, Elon Musk idol, pretend Christian, and general MAGA-adjacent manosphere grifter. He’s also a rapist. In 2023, four women came forward with accounts of Brand raping and abusing them. This week, he was convicted and sentenced to 10 and a half years in prison.
How bad is it: For Brand? Fucking terrible, as it should be. For the world? It’s an incredibly important signal. After the anti-#MeToo backlash of the past few years, we seemed to have reentered a climate in which famous and powerful men could assault women with impunity. And given the abuser-packed Trump administration’s reflexive hostility to justice for survivors of sexual assault, the culture seemed to be resetting to an even more misogynistic state than the one that preceded #MeToo. Brand going to prison doesn’t instantly fix all of that, but it sends a message that predators can be caught and punished. The world doesn’t have to operate on the rules that governed Jeffrey Epstein’s island, even if many of the island’s regular visitors are running it.
Fury rating: æææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææ
What’s next: The worst inmate talent-show comedy set of all time.
8. Donald Trump: Denied Heaven on 60 Minutes
When: Sunday, November 8
What happened: Trump sat down with the conservative pundit Ross Douthat, on the conservative-owned CBS television network, on the increasingly conservative news show 60 Minutes, run by the conservative bullshit artist Bari Weiss, and got told to his face that he isn’t going to heaven.
The interview must have looked like such an easy win. A friendly interviewer, on a friendly network that literally remade its entire news division to curry favor with Trump. Up to this point, Trump’s response to the extinction-level loss in the midterms had been predictably incoherent: He promised to accept the results, then claimed they were illegitimate; he elevated his most sadistic, immigrant-hating aide, Stephen Miller, to be his chief of staff, then said Miller’s deportation policies had gone too far; he offered UFC president Dana White a job as press secretary, then said he was only kidding. People said he was spinning out, and maybe he was.
But he’d been pretty successful at what’s always the most important task in Trump’s mind: Getting people to pay attention to him. Miller’s promotion supplanted the headlines about the Democratic victories atop the major papers; the possibility of White as press secretary, as absurd as it was, generated days of speculation and chatter. What better way to fully reclaim the spotlight than to go on 60 Minutes and spin a yarn about the election that made it clear the loss wasn’t Trump's fault?
Then, in a frankly astonishing moment, Douthat, a devout Catholic, asked the president if he could forgive his enemies “before the judgment throne of God.” Trump hemmed and hawed and sort of angrily sucked on his cheeks, and finally—visibly furious—said that he couldn’t do it. Nancy Pelosi and James Comey were “very bad people”; he hated them too much to forgive them. Douthat cheerfully responded by asking Trump how he’d like to be remembered “a hundred years from now, when you’re working out your situation in purgatory.” Has an interviewer ever told a president to his face that he won’t go to heaven before? Trump’s interview demeanor—the glowering, scowling I Loom Powerfully In My Chair shtick we’ve all seen a million times—seemed to collapse throughout the segment. By the end, he looked three jacket sizes smaller.
How bad is it: In immediate terms, not terrible. 60 Minutes can’t do all that much to hurt or help a lame-duck president, and if one bad interview could sink Trump, he never would’ve won the presidency in the first place. In the long run, though? I think it sticks. I think people remember it when they talk about the end of the Trump era. This was the week when his spell finally broke, after all. It wouldn’t surprise me if, years from now, the night Ross Douthat consigned Trump to purgatory lives on as a sort of Temu version of the legendary moment when Joseph Welch questioned Joseph McCarthy’s sense of decency.
Fury rating: ææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææ
What’s next: I mean … the judgment throne of God, I guess? Purgatory? Purgatory might be optimistic.
