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Casting the Rest of Greta Gerwig’s ‘Little Women’

Alert: The ‘Lady Bird’ director is doing a remake with Meryl Streep, Saoirse Ronan, Timothée Chalamet, and Emma Stone. We’ve got some suggestions for the rest.

Ringer illustration

In an answer to Twitter’s fervent and unsaid prayers, Variety announced on Friday morning that Greta Gerwig is in talks to follow up her directorial debut, Lady Bird, with a big-screen remake of Little Women, starring — wait a minute — Saoirse Ronan as Jo March, Florence Pugh as Amy March, Emma Stone as Meg March, Meryl Streep as Marmee, and Timothée Chalamet as Laurie.

Just take a minute to process that. I certainly need one.

Since we can’t let this embarrassment of riches sit without asking for even more, here are some suggestions for the rest of the major cast members according to literally whatever we want, since that’s apparently how Hollywood works today.

Armie Hammer as John Brooke

20th Century Fox

It’s the second Call Me by Your NameLady Bird crossover we’ve always dreamed of! Casting Armie Hammer as John Brooke, Laurie’s tutor and Meg’s future husband, would take this film from swoon-worthy Oscar bait to cinematic event of the century. Just imagine the behind-the-scenes Insta-stories! There’s a shameful shortage of true period drama work on Hammer’s résumé, and– tracksuits aside– this man was made to rock billowy shirts and tweed vests.

Oscar Isaac as Friedrich Bhaer

Roadside Attractions

The concerning age difference between Jo March and her future husband has always been a controversial aspect of Little Women, and it complicates the casting process a bit. Saoirse Ronan is 24, so pairing her with a much older actor feels a bit gross– a dilemma that only a top-level internet boyfriend can solve. Thank god for Oscar Isaac: He’s charming even when he’s trying to be douchey (see Ex Machina), creepy (see Annihilation), or villainous (see Sucker Punch. Actually, no. Don’t). Everyone loves Oscar Isaac and everyone loves Saoirse Ronan, and it makes sense that they would love each other, age gap aside. As Jo may soon find out, love for Timmy is fleeting, but love for Oscar is forever.

Helen Mirren as Aunt March

Warner Bros.

You could argue that Aunt March is too small and insignificant a role for the Dame, but the opportunity for Meryl Streep and Mirren to go head to head in a movie together is too good to pass up. These two have never appeared on screen together! Can you believe?? There’s no better Mirren than a sassy Mirren, and Aunt March has sass in spades. Imagine the arguments Jo and Aunt March could get into together! We just need a scene with Aunt March and Jo in a carriage, so Saoirse can jump out when things get real.

Elle Fanning as Beth March

Focus Features

This casting choice is so perfect and obvious that it circles around all the way back to boring. That said, it’s the most confident I’ve ever felt about a fan-casting choice potentially becoming real. Beth’s essential components are a big, beautiful smile and an unnameable quality that makes it seem like she could probably be toppled over by a strong gust of wind, both of which fit Fanning to a T. She’s such a period drama pro that she probably sleeps in crinolines and corsets. But just to switch things up, I’d like to offer a few less obvious (and therefore more interesting) suggestions. Anya Taylor Joy was exceptional in The Witch and Thoroughbreds, and Haley Lu Richardson was the most effortlessly charismatic young actress of 2017 in Columbus — they’d both fit right in with Florence Pugh as the other young March sibling. Frankly, I love these actresses and really would rather not see them die on screen, but they’d all nail the part.