We’re baaaaaaaaaaaaack. The NFL Take-O-Meter has returned leading into Week 3. The internet is festering with bad, confusing, and totally outrageous takes, and what seemed certain after Week 1 is already up for reexamination. (As I’ll get to in my first Take II of the season.) But the takes that have set group texts and message boards on fire this week are all about quarterbacks.
Injuries to Caleb Williams and Jayden Daniels are driving fan bases mad. Drake Maye panic is starting to set in across New England. People are shouting that Bryce Young is better than C.J. Stroud. And the football hivemind is evaluating guys like Justin Herbert, Bo Nix, and Cam Ward in pass-fail “Are you good or not?” tests every game—sometimes every play. No one cares that the 49ers lead the league in success rate by 10 full percentage points. THEY WANT STRAND, the Falcons’ undrafted rookie quarterback with some heft on him, because Cooper Rush looks like he couldn’t beat a 10-year-old in tag right now.
This is why the Take-O-Meter exists. To squash the loud, bad takes that everyone posting about the NFL has to keep their KPIs green; to offer lukewarm takes for only Meter Readers to consider; and to embolden the truly hot (complimentary) takes that deserve more than 4,000 likes on X. That deserve an arbitrary and extremely scientific rating so I can get some jokes, bits, and bants off simply because (1) I love football and (2) I love the internet.
Remember: The scale goes from 1 to 11, because of course it goes to 11, with 1 being “I’m not buying it” and 11 being “I’m all the way in.” Let’s dive in.
Real men don’t cry.
I’m not mad. I’m disappointed. Even more than that, I’m just bored. That’s why I’m giving this a 0.0 even though the Take-O-Meter goes from 1 to 11.
Maybe 1,000 of the memes of Caleb Williams crying on the cart and pumping his fist at the Bears home crowd are funny. Hell, I’ll give you 1,600. But another 10,000 are just fine, and more than 40,000 are forced. This guy has been posting about it nonstop. So many anonymous X-Men and former players have jumped at the opportunity to insinuate (if not directly state) that Williams is less of a man because he cried out in pain after getting hurt. They’re the same losers who can’t understand his nail polish or his close, loving relationship with his mom. They all sound the same, and they’re boring me. Bob Dylan asked us in 1963 how many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man. Sorry Dyl, but more than 60 years later, we still don’t have an answer. All we know is that Williams isn’t high-T enough for what must be the burliest, manliest tear police on the internet.
In the fourth quarter of the Bears’ Week 2 game against the Vikings, Williams slid down with space in front of him on a first-and-goal from the Minnesota 6-yard line. He felt a pop in his hamstring, an injury he’s had before and played through for USC during the 2022 Pac-12 championship game. Williams screamed out in pain, limped off the field with the help of trainers, broke into tears, and eventually pumped up the crowd on the cart ride into the locker room. Williams was poised to punch in a touchdown to put the Bears ahead 10-6; instead, Chicago lost 9-3, with rookie tight end Sam Roush missing a critical block on the Bears’ field goal attempt immediately after Williams left the game. Backup quarterback Tyson Bagent had only one drive to try to rally Chicago’s offense against Vikings DC Brian Flores at the peak of his powers. Bagent fell short. Without their—I’ll say it!—MVP-caliber quarterback, the Bears missed an opportunity to improve to 2-0.
My perspective is that Williams cried not because of the pain, but because he desperately wanted to keep playing, and because he understood that the injury might force him to miss more time. Bears head coach Ben Johnson hasn’t ruled out Williams from playing in Week 3, and that’s in part because Williams didn’t try to gut it out or force his way back into last Sunday’s game. Maybe that’s the benefit of him having recovered from a hamstring injury in the past.
With Bagent in the five-step concussion protocol after Tuesday’s practice, the Bears seem likely to roll out the 38-year-old Case Keenum against the Vic Fangio Eagles defense, which ranks fifth in pressure rate and ninth in defensive EPA per dropback since 2025. A small part of me is curious about what the X-Men will whine about if Caleb finds a way to suit up and ball out on Monday Night Football. Mostly, though, I’m not interested in this tired internet escapade. Men will cry over how, when, and why other men cry until there are no tears left in this world. How sad.
Jim Harbaugh and Mike McDaniel need to file for a (professional) divorce.
New Chargers offensive play caller Mike McDaniel, an offensive wizard who took the league by storm with “cheat motion” in 2022 and led one of the best offenses in football with Tua Tagovailoa (!) in 2023, was hired to lift a Bolts unit with Justin Herbert, Omarion Hampton, and two stalwart tackles (Rashawn Slater and Joe Alt) to unforeseen heights. But instead, McDaniel’s offense completely sucks.
No McDaniel offense has been worse in yards per drive, points per drive, success rate, punt rate, three-and-out rate, average third-down distance, net passing yards per game, and general watchability through the first two weeks of a season. Head coach Jim Harbaugh had never started 0-2 in his decades-long NFL and college head coaching career … until now. And the Chargers got bullied in their “home” stadium by two of the worst teams in football last year. The only other club with a similarly abysmal start in an NFL season folded as a franchise after the next game. Owner Dean Spanos would move the team to Siberia before folding it because the money is still green, but at least the Racine Tornadoes were self-aware.
The Spanos-Harbaugh-McDaniel Chargers have no idea who or what they are right now. They have no identity. It already looks like the lights are too bright for Herbert. He isn’t comfortable in the offense, and you could feel him pressing with frustration in both losses. McDaniel’s offense is demanding more personnel variety, backfield play fakes, and pre-snap motions than Greg Roman’s did last year, but that’s no excuse for the center snapping a ball into a motioning receiver’s leg. The L.A. offense has looked outright dysfunctional at least six to eight times over the first two games. Hot and flashy, sure, but bad fundamentals. Bad foundation. That’s a reflection of McDaniel not meshing with Harbaugh.
There was never a guarantee that they’d be fast friends, but the betting market and virtually every football pundit assumed they would. Remember this cute video of Harbaugh and McDaniel discussing mechanics and footwork for, uh, the quarterback handing the football to the running back? What if that was actually a video of the two coaches arguing over basic football fundamentals two weeks before the season? Only the 1926 Racine Tornadoes can relate.
The Chargers wasted the easy part of their schedule, and what comes next is brutal: Their next seven games come against the Bills, Seahawks, Broncos, Chiefs, Rams, Texans, and Ravens. Something has to change, and if I had to predict what, I’d guess that Harbaugh (and maybe Herbert) will force McDaniel to strip his offense down to the studs and get back to the basics. Shrink the playbook, personnel packages, pre-snap motions, all of it. That’s easier said than done with a bad interior offensive line and top wideout Ladd McConkey battling cracked ribs, but that’s a reality of life in the NFL: Every team has obstacles and injuries.
Harbaugh and McDaniel need to find common ground, or maybe find Esther Perel. It’s still not the worst new marriage in the NFL, but I don’t think Harbaugh and McDaniel are sleeping in the same room anymore. The kids are starting to notice.
Mini-Meter: New NFL Marriages, Ranked
- Eric Bienemy and Andy Reid, the reunion: 9.2
- Sean Mannion and Jalen Hurts: 6.2
- Brad Idzik and Bryce Young: 5.7
- Declan Doyle and Lamar Jackson: 5.4
- Frank Reich and Geno Smith: 4.3
- Todd Monken and Deshaun Watson: 4.1
- Sean Payton and Davis Webb: 3.0
- Zac Robinson and Baker Mayfield: 1.7
- Mike McCarthy and Aaron Rodgers, the reunion: 1.1
- Mike McDaniel and Jim Harbaugh: 0.7
- Robert Saleh and Brian Daboll: 0.4
Jayden Daniels is RG5.
Jayden Daniels is not Robert Griffin III. In 2012, RG3 balled the hell out and won NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year before tearing his right ACL, LCL, and meniscus in the wild-card round of the playoffs. That injury changed his game forever. He went 9-6 with 27 total touchdowns and five picks in his debut NFL season; he won just five more games for Washington, with 21 total TDs and 18 picks in 22 games, before the team cut him in 2016.
In 2024, Daniels balled the hell out and won NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year. He made only seven starts last year while dealing with a dislocated elbow, and he dislocated that same elbow again on Sunday. Now he’s expected to miss multiple weeks (again).
I get why Washington fans would start having nightmarish flashbacks, but this is a different scenario. The elbow injury hasn’t fundamentally changed who Daniels is as a player. What’s more worrisome is that the Commanders’ skill-position group is as bad as the Dolphins’. Washington desperately needs to land Jeremiah Smith or another premier playmaker in the 2027 draft, because a receiving corps led by 32-year-old Stefon Diggs and 31-year-old Terry McLaurin seems kind of f’d up now.
Jaxson Dart is RG6.
Things are even bleaker for the Giants at quarterback. Dart is set to have knee surgery and will miss the rest of the 2026 regular season. By the time all is said and done, he’ll have more games missed to injury than games started entering his third year in the league. Unlike Daniels, Dart has to change his game to protect himself. The knee injury Monday night was just a stroke of bad luck, but Dart’s extensive injury history has often been a by-product of his all-gas, no-brakes style. His teammates have literally begged him to slide in practice.
Dart has been reckless in the same way his running back and best pal Cam Skattebo wakes up reckless, but Dart is not built the same way. He has to dial it back when he fully recovers in 2027. Being a mega-talent at quarterback with all the potential in the world doesn’t matter if you can’t stay healthy.
Take II: Declan Doyle is the top 2027 head coaching candidate.
Last week, I had this at a 6.4. I got a bit over my skis. I was hard-glazing the 30-year-old Ben Johnson disciple after one game in which two-time MVP Lamar Jackson and future Hall of Fame running back Derrick Henry looked great against the historically bad Colts defense. Just because Doyle is running the under-center, multiple-tight-end stuff all the cool kids are doing these days. Ugh.
With receivers Zay Flowers and rookie Ja’Kobi Lane both out with injuries, Jackson couldn’t throw the ball downfield against New Orleans in Week 2. Rashod Bateman was the only receiver on the team who recorded more than one catch, and Henry somehow had just five carries for 17 yards in the second half of the 24-17 loss. Some of that was a result of Saints DC Brandon Staley zeroing in on the run game, but come on: The Ravens’ final three drives featured two three-and-outs and a pick. Henry had one carry for 2 yards on those three possessions.
Baltimore’s new offensive coordinator needs his guys (Flowers and Lane) back, and I need a shot of settle-down juice on the Doyle hype train. At least until we see Baltimore throttle the Cowboys defense this Sunday.
Drake Maybe sucks?
Word on the street is that Drake Maye maybe sucks now. I just can’t, man.
Let’s run through the facts: A.J. Brown—who I imagine Patriots OC Josh McDaniels wanted to build the entire offense around—is going to miss another four to six weeks with a high-ankle injury. Romeo Doubs, whom the Pats handed nearly $40 million guaranteed in March, dropped everything that was thrown at him in Week 1 and somehow leads the team with 96 receiving yards. Rhamondre Stevenson is the only running back in the league with double-digit fumbles since 2024, and his backfield counterpart, TreVeyon Henderson, is still learning how to be a consistent down-to-down player. Morgan Moses is 35 years old and probably the team’s best healthy offensive lineman, starting tight end Hunter Henry has registered just two first downs in two games, and promising rookie backup Eli Raridon is going to miss time with a thigh injury. McDaniels is off his game completely. Oh, and head coach Mike Vrabel is still apparently trying to shake off Sedona.
Maybe a quarterback who came one vote shy of winning MVP last season suddenly sucks now. Or maybe Maye is just stuck in between the sixth and seventh rings of hell after a disaster of a Patriots offseason. I lean the latter.
Someone’s getting fired in Tampa Bay this week.
The Bucs probably aren’t going to fire head coach Todd Bowles or new offensive play caller Zac Robinson even if they drop to 0-3 following their game against the Vikings this Sunday, but something will have to change. Bowles’s reign of terror in Tampa Bay needs to come to an end. Since taking over as head coach in 2022, his defense ranks 22nd in points allowed per drive and 23rd in success rate allowed, and his offense has been a game of musical chairs with five different offensive coordinators in five years. Two of those OCs (Dave Canales in 2023 and Liam Coen in 2024) were good enough to get hired as head coaches; two (Byron Leftwich in 2022 and Josh Grizzard in 2025) were essentially one-and-done flops. But the through line is clear: This recipe is not working, and it appears to be getting worse.
Tampa Bay needs a hard reset in all three phases like it needs back those two hours and 12 minutes spent last week waiting to lose to Deshaun Watson (!) and the Browns (!!) in front of whatever was left of their home crowd. Speaking of Cleveland …
The garbage-time Browns have an underrated offense.
To be clear, the Browns offense looks bad statistically. They’re bottom four in almost every metric that matters (EPA, yards per drive, red-zone efficiency, and third-down conversion rate) through two weeks, and they have one of the worst quarterback rooms in the league and five new starters on the offensive line. They’re also the Browns. Skepticism and hopelessness are built into the deal.
But if you didn’t watch Cleveland’s game against the Bucs, you probably aren’t aware that this offense has some stuff going for it, too. Watson just had his best game with the franchise by EPA per dropback. The Browns’ skill-position group—Quinshon Judkins, KC Concepcion, Denzel Boston, Harold Fanin Jr., and Jerry Jeudy—is genuinely better than the skill-position groups of like 20 other teams. First-year head coach Todd Monken, a longtime offensive play caller, is making the most of his opportunity.
Monken missed the NFL head coaches photo shoot at the owners meetings in May because he was busy getting a haircut. The consensus joke was that it was a sell signal, but maybe my guy just marches to the beat of his own drum. Monken’s Browns are absolutely a live dog again this week against the reeling Steelers.
The Steelers are Heat 2.
We’re pushing the limits of the meter once again. I’m the clown in this Edward Hopper masterpiece (Soir Bleu, 1914) just for this take. I said on The Ringer NFL Show before the season that Mike McCarthy and Aaron Rodgers could be like Leonardo Dicaprio and Christian Bale in Michael Mann’s Heat 2, coming out in 2028. I didn’t think this through. A better comp is Dog Day Afternoon. McCarthy (Sonny) convinced Rodgers (Sal) to partner with him on a bank job, and it went awry almost immediately. We want Strand?! I raise you: We want Allar. Rodgers shouldn’t start another game if the 42-year-old looks as washed against the Bengals as he did last weekend against the Patriots.
I guess McCarthy’s leash is longer because he’s a Yinzer, but he is the one who wanted Rodgers back, and things are so grim that opposing coaches don’t even have anything nice to say. McCarthy and Rodgers are the disgusting brothers (derogatory), and I’m ready to fast-forward to the end of the movie.
The Manningcast is unwatchable.
I was originally going to rewatch both Manningcasts in full and do a deep dive on how bad it is, but I got a deep sense of existential sorrow just thinking about it. The only reason I know this is still happening is because I have two TVs in my office and sometimes the Mannings are slightly ahead of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, so I leave them on mute and occasionally groan when I see Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul running rehearsed bits on the fumes of their Breaking Bad stardom. The highlights of Andrew Whitworth playing tight end in the ‘90s were pretty awesome, not gonna lie. But that’s about it.
Is it ridiculous to ask Peyton and Eli to just talk about the fucking game? They are both bad, uninterested interviewers battling Zoom delay like it’s 2020. Legitimately everyone hates the guest volume, cadence, execution, all of it. Deservedly so. It’s horrible. JUST HAVE THE TWO HALL OF FAME FOOTBALL BROTHERS TALK ABOUT THE FOOTBALL GAME THEY ARE (IDEALLY) WATCHING. PLEASE. I’M BEGGING.
