The Ringer’s Fictional Quarterback Rankings
A tape study of the 25 best quarterbacks in pop culture reveals who could make it at the pro level—and who is good only in the movies
At this point in the NFL’s content calendar, you can’t get through a scrolling session on your favorite social media app without stumbling into a needlessly hostile debate about someone’s top-10 quarterbacks list. Admittedly, it’s a fun way to pass the time during the offseason's slow period, but it can become repetitive. Your favorite quarterback is propped up by a superstar cast! Yours has never sniffed a Super Bowl! We’ve been arguing over the same things and making the same points for as long as the NFL has existed.
As a proud member of the quarterback ranking–industrial complex, I’m not here to suggest that we stop arguing about quarterbacks. That would be bad business, and I’m as guilty as anyone of putting too much time and energy into my own personal list. But this summer, I decided to redirect some of that energy into another subject matter: ranking fictional quarterbacks from movies and television.
I approached the exercise with the same level of detail and research that goes into our annual NFL quarterbacks project. I studied the tape of the 25 most memorable quarterbacks ever to appear in pop culture, and I evaluated them based on categories like throwing mechanics, leadership qualities, playmaking instincts, and general aura. I’ve picked out the best and worst traits in each of their games, and I came up with an NFL comparison for each signal caller based on real-life quarterbacks from the past and present. The final order is based on a simple criterion: If I needed to win a football game on Sunday, which quarterback would I trust the most to bring home a victory? Let’s start with the guy who’s ranked last on this list.
25. Stan Gable, Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
Stan Gable is one of the more memorable movie quarterbacks from the 1980s, which was a golden age for the position, but we don’t ever see the Adams College star take the field. Making this evaluation more difficult, Revenge of the Nerds is currently unavailable to buy, rent, or stream on any platform. Without access to Gable’s game tape, I’m forced to place him at the bottom of these rankings. At least Uncle Rico threw a steak (more on him in a bit).
Best trait: His looks
We never get to see how Gable plays the quarterback position, but the guy passes the initial eye test. He’s tall and ruggedly handsome, and he proves to be a leader of men by rallying his fellow members of the Alpha Betas to torment the nerds throughout the movie.
Worst trait: His unrelenting desire to put nerds in their place
I don’t know how Gable has any time to prepare for games or study his playbook while being so locked into this silly feud with the nerds.
NFL comp: Richie Incognito
Since I have no footage of Gable’s quarterbacking, it’s challenging to come up with an appropriate quarterback comp. The center of the NFL’s most prominent bullying scandal will have to do.
24. Flash Gordon, Flash Gordon (1980)
We’re told that Flash Gordon is a star quarterback at the start of the movie, but we never see him play the sport, so who knows? Flash Gordon does feature a “football fight scene,” which is as dumb as it sounds and provides us with our only glimpse of his quarterback skills.
I’m left underwhelmed. Flash shows off his toughness by barreling through the alien henchmen, suggesting that he could be the focal point of an option-based run game. His throwing motion is all over the place, as we see when he starts taking out more henchmen by pelting them with football-shaped orbs. Flash does manage to hit a few enemies in the head, but his accuracy is erratic, leading me to believe that he’s just as inconsistent when throwing an actual football. I’m blaming his wonky mechanics.
Best trait: Arm strength
Flash was able to take out nearly a dozen aliens just by throwing a ball at them from a relatively short distance. He can generate a lot of power with that right arm of his.
Worst trait: The lack of game tape
We don’t see enough of Flash’s football ability to allow us to make a proper assessment, which is a significant concern on its own. How does he manage a tight pocket? Can he read a defense? Can he throw with pass rushers around him? Can he lead a huddle? All of those questions are left unanswered by the film.
NFL comp: Blake Bortles
The physical traits are tantalizing, but he doesn’t have a natural throwing motion to sustain consistent success as a franchise passer.
23. Uncle Rico, Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
We all know the lore: Uncle Rico didn’t start for his high school team, but back in ’82, he could throw the pigskin a quarter mile. And if the coach had just put him in during the fourth quarter, he would have gone pro, and his team would have been state champions. If any of that were verifiable, Rico Dynamite may have cracked the top five on this list, but none of it is. And based on his throwing motion, I’m willing to bet that he cannot throw a football over them mountains.
The movie never shows Rico playing in a sanctioned game or even throwing a football to another person, which makes this an impossible evaluation. He was able to show his accuracy by hitting Napoleon Dynamite in the face with a steak from at least 30 yards out—and he hits him in stride as he’s riding a bike! So even though it’s not made with a football, it’s an impressive throw nonetheless. Maybe he’s on to something with that funky delivery.
Best trait: Confidence
While I doubt that Rico would have swung the result of the state championship if he’d made it off the bench, I commend his unwavering self-belief and refusal to give up on his football dreams decades after his last competitive game. The man just loves ball.
Worst trait: Throwing mechanics
Rico’s side-arm delivery could lead to a lot of batted passes at the line of scrimmage. If he could fix his mechanics and throw over the top, his football dreams wouldn’t be so outlandish.
NFL comp: Philip Rivers … but at his current age
This is an aspirational comp for Uncle Rico. Rivers carved out a long, productive NFL career despite his unorthodox side-arm delivery, but he paired that with a strong arm and an advanced understanding of the sport. Rico talks a big game but hasn’t had the chance to back it up on the field.
22. Gee Grenouille, The Waterboy (1998)
University of Louisiana coach Red Beaulieu thinks so little of Gee Grenouille’s quarterbacking prowess that he decides his offense is better off punting the ball back to the Mud Dogs on first down rather than facing off against the Bobby Boucher–led defense, which posed a bigger threat to find the end zone than the Grenouille-led attack. Grenouille’s main contribution to the team is unlocking Boucher’s inner rage by bullying it out of him, which turns Boucher into an All-American linebacker and Heisman hopeful. Otherwise, Grenouille is an unwelcoming teammate who’s reckless with the football and rarely makes a play during the Mud Dogs' run to the Bourbon Bowl. I’d place him lower on the list if any of the quarterbacks below him had played real football in their respective movies.
Best trait: Throwing motion
In this clip, Grenouille shows off sound footwork on his dropback and delivers the ball with impressive mechanics. Just ignore the actual result of the throw.
Worst trait: Bullying
Look, bullying is indefensible, and I wouldn’t want my quarterback alienating any of his teammates. With that said, if Grenouille hadn’t picked on Boucher, he may have never found his calling as a game-wrecking linebacker or earned a free education at South Central Louisiana State University.
NFL comp: Christian Hackenberg
There isn’t a redeeming quality in Grenouille’s game, which makes it challenging to come up with an appropriate NFL comp. I went with the former second-round pick out of Penn State, who never played a regular-season snap in the NFL.
21. Junior Floyd, Little Giants (1994)
As someone who wore out his VHS copy of Little Giants as a kid, I had high hopes for Junior Floyd when I was heading into this process. I expected Floyd to land somewhere in the top 10 based on my recollection of the character. But after rewatching the movie for the first time in decades, I’ve determined that the younger me didn’t know ball. I’m sorry to soil the fond memories of the Giants quarterback that you may hold. The guy is a loser. He can’t play. Sure, he looks great when tossing toilet paper rolls in a shopping cart or on the practice field, but when it was time to show out in the big game against the Cowboys, he folded. The movie doesn’t show us every one of Floyd’s dropbacks in that game, but the Giants don’t gain their first yard until after halftime. Floyd gets knocked out of the game shortly after that, which means he goes the entire game without completing a single pass for positive yardage. He showed nothing as a passer outside of one good deep ball that Rashid “Hot Hands” Hanon dropped. It was a good throw, but Floyd’s failure to see that Hanon’s hands were glued to his chest speaks to the young quarterback’s lack of game awareness.
Best trait: The deep ball
It’s the only throw he seems to make with any regularity.
Worst trait: Leadership
Floyd threatens to quit the team after a heated practice right before the big game, he leaves said game with an injury while the Giants are down big but is suspiciously and miraculously healed just in time for the game-winning play, and he alienates the team’s best player, Becky, by flirting with the opposing team’s lead cheerleader. Not cool.
NFL comp: Will Levis
Floyd looks the part of a franchise quarterback but doesn’t have the game or leadership to man the position for a successful team. The Little Giants play better without him.
20. David Greene, School Ties (1992)
Greene played in an era before the forward pass became a dominant strategy in the sport, changing the quarterback position forever. That makes it tough to stack him up against the other quarterbacks on this list. Greene has era-appropriate throwing mechanics—that’s a nice way of saying they're bad—and is shown connecting on a few deep balls, but that doesn’t lead to a lot of scoring. Greene becomes a campus hero after leading St. Matthew’s to a big win with a last-second touchdown run, but the offense manages under 10 points in the game. The defense probably deserves more credit for the win.
Best trait: Toughness
As the star of St. Matthew’s run-heavy offense, Greene takes a beating on the field—all while wearing very little padding and a leather helmet. But that doesn’t compare to the mental anguish he goes through after his teammates find out he’s Jewish and he’s bullied by Matt Damon’s character. There’s also a cheating scandal that nearly drives him out of the Catholic school.
Worst trait: Throwing mechanics
I refuse to blame Brendan Fraser for Greene’s laughable throwing mechanics. He looked the part of a quarterback playing in the 1950s, back when even NFL passers hadn’t quite found the key to a strong throwing motion.
NFL comp: Tim Tebow
If you put Greene on those loaded Urban Meyer–era Florida teams, he’d end his career with as much hardware as Tebow.
19. Josh Framm, Air Bud: Golden Receiver (1998)
I question whether Josh Framm even likes football. He joins the high school team only after his mom starts dating Air Bud’s vet. Some guys would rather take up a new sport than watch their mom find happiness with a random guy. Framm’s arm strength earns him a spot on the roster as the backup quarterback, but when an injury forces him into the lineup, we see that there’s not much to Framm’s game outside of that trait. His main issue is pocket presence. Even Air Bud’s vet/his mom’s new boyfriend recognizes the flaw after seeing Framm play just once. The Framm-led offense would have been a disaster if not for Air Bud, who somehow made his way onto the roster and carried the team’s passing game with his impressive ability to pluck the football out of the sky. Framm piles up gaudy numbers thanks to Buddy’s ability to adjust to inaccurate passes in midair, but anyone who’s paying attention knows that the quarterback is just a role player in the Timberwolves’ new-look offense.
Best trait: Arm strength
Framm is new to football, which makes his big arm an intriguing asset. But trying to round out the rest of his game is a fool’s errand.
Worst trait: Pocket presence
If Framm could have maintained his poise in the pocket, the Timberwolves may not have been so reliant on a dog to move the football. We see how flimsy their Air Bud–centric passing game is when the star pup gets knocked out of the game by a routine tackle, proving that dogs aren’t built for a contact sport.
NFL comp: Trey Lance
The physical tools and playmaking are there in both cases, but their lack of experience means that both players are missing a natural feel for the quarterback position.
18. Alex Moran, Blue Mountain State (2010-2011)
Two things make it complicated to evaluate Moran: (1) He’d rather slack off and pull pranks than work for the starting job at Blue Mountain State, and (2) we never see this team take the field in an official game. Every football scene over the first couple of seasons shows the team during practice, where Moran is usually goofing off or actively trying to tank his chances of winning the starting job to keep his workload light. When Moran feels threatened by the arrival of quarterback Radon Randell, he starts to try in practice and shows off some ability as a passer. He throws a catchable ball, but his unorthodox mechanics—it looks like Moran’s holding a baseball bat rather than a football when he drops back in the pocket—prevent him from really driving the ball downfield with velocity. He’s a soft tosser who lacks the discipline and passion for football to ever become a reliable decision-maker.
Best trait: Doesn’t pose a threat to the starting QB
Moran is content to play the backup role, which can be hard to find in today’s era of college football. He also seems like a relatively good hang, which is half the job of a backup.
Worst trait: Lack of motivation
If Moran had any ambition, he could have carved out a respectable career as a game manager. But that would have required countless hours in the film room and a mastery of the BMS playbook. Moran does earn the starting quarterback job in Season 3 and ends up a captain, but he never quite reaches his full potential as a college passer.
NFL comp: Ryan Mallet
The former Texans quarterback once lost his job after both sleeping through his alarm and missing a team flight. That’s the most Moran-coded thing an NFL quarterback has done in recent history.
17. Bo Callahan, Draft Day (2014)
While Bo Callahan is talented enough to garner consideration for the top pick in the NFL draft, he’s seen as a polarizing prospect due to numerous red flags that pop up in the predraft process. Browns GM Sonny Weaver Jr. eventually decides that Callahan will be a bust and pawns him off on a Seattle team that’s desperate to draft a quarterback, but he did briefly consider using the first overall pick on the Heisman Trophy winner. That speaks to Callahan’s talent. Still, ignoring Callahan’s behavior outside the lines, there’s enough on his tape to make his pro prospects seem questionable. In tape from a game against eventual no. 1 pick Vontae Mack, Callahan crumbles under pressure and allows Ohio State’s star linebacker to disrupt his passing mechanics.
The Browns GM calls him “frantic,” which is never a good trait for a quarterback who makes his living from the pocket. Callahan didn’t face much pressure behind the Badgers’ stout offensive line—Jonah from Veep says he was one of the least-sacked quarterbacks in the country—so his issues against Ohio State could be a sign of things to come. I wouldn’t feel confident giving him the keys to the franchise either.
Best trait: Not a Cleveland Brown
We’re left to imagine how Callahan’s career turns out in the long run, but avoiding Cleveland’s quarterback graveyard was most definitely a win for the young signal caller.
Worst trait: Character and intelligence
Now, this could be some “anonymous scout” bullshit, but rumor has it that none of Callahan’s Wisconsin teammates attended his 21st birthday party. What does the Badgers locker room know about Callahan that we don’t? The vibes are off. He was also caught in a lie by Washington, who pulled the old “hide a $100 bill in the back of the playbook to see if the player actually studied” test, which Callahan failed. If you’re getting outwitted by the Dan Snyder–era Washington franchise, I can’t trust you to lead my football team.
NFL comp: Johnny Manziel
The movie was released in 2014, the same year the Browns passed on Khalil Mack and ended up drafting Manziel despite all of the red flags that suggested it was a bad idea. The movie doubled as a cautionary tale for how the real Browns approached that year’s draft.
16. Johnny Utah, Point Break (1991)
Perhaps I’m sleeping on Johnny Utah, who was an all-conference quarterback at Ohio State just a few years before he became a fed and set off the events of Point Break. But the knee injury he suffered in the Rose Bowl, which ended his career, has weakened his game. Plus, Utah doesn’t do much to alleviate those concerns in his performance during a beach football pickup game played against a bunch of surfers.
He looks timid in the pocket and doesn’t throw with confidence. His lack of mobility stands out when he coughs up the ball on a sack he could have easily avoided. Utah does connect on one deep ball, but his receiver, who had dusted Bodhi in coverage, had to stop and wait for the ball to arrive. Arm strength is a concern. I don’t doubt that Utah was once a great prospect, but I can only judge him on what he’s put on tape most recently.
Best trait: Ballhandling
Utah’s pump fakes need work, but he freezes the defense with a slick ball fake at one point during the beach game. He also shows off his tackling and block-defeating abilities while playing defense. Maybe a position change is in order.
Worst trait: Bad teammate
Not only is Utah lying to Bodhi and his crew the entire movie, but he also screws over the FBI by letting Bodhi escape to surf the 50-year storm in the end.
NFL comp: Tua Tagovailoa
He’s left-handed and struggles to make plays under pressure. It’s a weak comp, but the movie doesn’t reveal much about Utah’s game.
15. Dizzy Flores, Starship Troopers (1997)
We only see one Dizzy Flores dropback in the movie, but it’s an impressive enough play to warrant inclusion in the top 15. Flores shoulder checks two unblocked pass rushers while keeping her eyes downfield. Then she launches a throw that travels the length of the field and puts enough air under the ball for her intended receiver to flip over two defenders before making the catch. It’s fair to ask whether Flores’s game would translate to the NFL: She plays a futuristic version of football where the players wear hockey pads and the game is played on what looks and sounds like a green boxing canvas. The field isn’t close to 100 yards long, and there are fewer than 11 players to a side. It’s a different sport.
Best trait: That dog in her
Flores proves to be a badass throughout the movie. She wins football games and kills bugs (even if it was on behalf of the fascist Federation).
Worst trait: Impaled by a giant bug
It’s a tough injury to come back from. Apologies for the spoiler.
NFL comp: Josh Allen
There’s only one NFL quarterback capable of running over two defenders and launching a throw the length of the field, and he plays in Buffalo.
14. Matt Saracen, Friday Night Lights (2006-2011)
Matt Saracen doesn’t have an overly impressive skill set, but he’s a gamer with a high football IQ and just enough arm strength to lead a Dillon offense that doesn’t ask too much of its quarterback. I’d go so far as to call Saracen a game manager who operates best in a run-first system that sets up a deadly play-action passing game.
Saracen would struggle in a more demanding offense. We get a glimpse of what that might look like when Coach Taylor employs a pass-first game plan in the state title game at the end of Season 1. Saracen can’t handle West Cambria’s ferocious pass rush, and he eventually throws a terrible interception after he’s flushed from the pocket. Dillon completes a second-half comeback once Saracen takes on a secondary role behind the star backfield tandem of Smash Williams and Tim Riggins. And the QB is wise enough to accept he doesn’t have to be the centerpiece of the offense to keep Dillon on a winning track. Saracen’s low ceiling gets him benched during his senior season, with talented freshman J.D. McCoy stealing his job for a stretch. But Saracen eventually earns the job back in time for the playoffs after proving to be the more reliable leader (even if the Panthers ultimately fall in the state title game).
Best trait: Football IQ
It’s Saracen, and not Taylor, who comes up with the idea for the game-winning play in the state championship game in the Season 1 finale. And it’s not the only time Dillon’s quarterback suggests a winning strategy to his coach.
Worst trait: Confidence
Saracen is absolutely terrified by the prospect of replacing Jason Street at the beginning of Season 1. His teammates have to give him a pep talk to convince him that he belongs on the field and have to talk him into just attempting an 18-yard deep out on the practice field.
If Street doesn’t believe in you, why should I?
NFL comp: Brock Purdy
Saracen may lack top-end physical talent, but he’s good enough to capitalize on a good supporting cast, and he makes just enough plays to earn the belief of his teammates.
13. Joe Kane, The Program (1993)
Joe Kane was billed as a Heisman hopeful who was headed for the NFL, but I’d want to see a birth certificate before spending a draft pick on this “kid.” There’s no way he’s in his early 20s. He looks like he’s just a few years shy of a midlife crisis.
The actor playing him, Craig Sheffer, was 33 years old when The Program debuted in theaters, so these accusations aren’t totally off base.
And even if you ignore his questionable age, Kane is an underwhelming quarterback. He’s got a decent enough arm, but he rarely pushes the ball downfield and doesn’t react well to pressure. His film from the big game against Michigan is one big red flag. While he did manage to find the end zone twice as a runner, his game-losing interception, thrown to a running back in double coverage, was just one of many poor decisions he made in a crumbling pocket. He looked undraftable against the Wolverines defense.
Best trait: Mobility
When Kane can escape pressure, he’s a tough runner who can move the chains with his legs. He’s also fairly accurate when throwing on the move, which means he’d fit in a play-action-heavy passing game that gets the quarterback outside of the pocket. Kyle Shanahan could turn him into a Pro Bowler.
Worst trait: Off-field behavior
Kane was nursing an injury against Michigan, which partially explains his struggles, but the game may have gone differently if he hadn’t spent the previous night crushing beers in the middle of nowhere and nearly getting run over by a train. Kane later gets pulled over for a DUI and heads to rehab after his coaches strike a deal with the police to avoid charges.
NFL comp: Every first-round bust ever
You know those building the perfect QB graphics? Kane is like one of those, only for all-time first-round busts. He’s got Brandon Weeden’s age concerns, Tim Tebow’s throwing motion, and Johnny Manziel’s impulse control.
12. Shane Falco, The Replacements (2001)
This is where I might inspire some angry responses. Shane Falco is a beloved movie quarterback who often finds himself at the top of fictional QB rankings. But I refuse to be swayed by Keanu Reeves’s likability or Falco’s inspiring speeches. Falco may be great in the locker room, but he doesn’t play winning football on the field. He’s turnover-prone and doesn’t know when to give up on a doomed play. In college, he earned the derogatory nickname “Footsteps” thanks to his poor response to pressure. The Generals offense doesn’t put up a lot of points during his stint as the replacement starter, and most of their wins come on lucky bounces or desperate trick plays in the dying moments of the game. His success in Washington is not sustainable.
Best trait: Locker room speeches
Quicksand.
Worst trait: Anti-labor leanings
He’s a scab who sells out the players’ association for an unearned shot at the pros. The movie portrays Washington’s real players as villains for going on strike to get a fair deal from ownership, but I’m not buying the capitalist propaganda.
NFL comp: Sam Darnold
Darnold saw ghosts; Falco hears footsteps. It’s all the same.
11. Frank Cushman, Jerry Maguire (1996)
We don’t see Frank Cushman play football during Jerry Maguire, so it’s impossible to judge his game based on the movie. But we did get this mock episode of NFL Films’ A Football Life, which was based on Cushman and celebrated the 20th anniversary of Jerry Maguire’s release. That gives us some game tape to work with.
Unfortunately, any action shots of Denver’s first-round pick are just clips of former Broncos quarterback Brian Griese. Without any original film of Cushman, I can only assume that his game is a 1:1 copy of Griese’s. Griese was a decent passer but could never quite lock down a long-term job. He was one of the first quarterbacks propped up by the Shanahan offense, which now dominates the NFL. With that sort of skill set, Cushman would have no problem finding a job in the league today, even if he doesn’t have any star traits as a passer.
Best trait: Pro-level throwing mechanics
Griese never developed into an NFL star, but he threw a pretty ball. I’m assuming Cushman’s arm could produce similar throws considering he earned a place atop the league’s draft board.
Worst trait: Speed
Griese’s main issue throughout his NFL career was his lack of mobility. That made him an awkward fit in Mike Shanahan’s offenses in Denver and also made it difficult for him to cope with pressure in his face.
NFL comp: Brian Griese
The folks at NFL Films made the choice for me.
10. Sunshine, Remember the Titans (2000)
OK, so Ronnie “Sunshine” Bass was a real quarterback who played at South Carolina and even has a Sports Reference page. He arguably doesn’t belong on this list of fictional quarterbacks, but the makers of Remember the Titans took some creative liberties when writing his character, to the point that I’ll consider it a fictional portrayal. The fictional Bass has a cannon for an arm, which he shows off when he first arrives at practice, nailing Gerry Bertier in the back with a 40-yard pass to get back at him for making a homophobic joke. That quickly establishes him as a viable threat to Jerry “Rev” Harris’s position as the team’s starting QB.
T.C. Williams High runs an option-heavy attack and rarely utilizes Bass’s throwing ability, but we do get a couple of flashes of him going through progressions in the pocket and delivering accurate strikes downfield. Bass can sling it, and he’s tough, too. Sunshine immediately earns the locker room’s respect by getting back at a defender who deliberately injured Harris—instructing the offensive line to let the defender through unblocked, which allows Bass to flip him over his back. It’s a classic football-movie move that never fails to impress a quarterback’s teammate.
Best trait: Arm talent
Herman Boone (played by Denzel Washington) is a great coach, but his split veer offense, which by his own admission features only six plays, dimmed Sunshine’s light. He had a generational arm but didn’t get to show it off in Boone’s simple scheme. I blame Boone for him not being higher in the top 10. Let Sunshine cook!
Worst trait: Making the option pitch
Bass has no problem hitting a target downfield, but his inability to make a simple option pitch really derails the Titans offense at times.
NFL comp: Trevor Lawrence
This is low-hanging fruit for the hair alone, but there are some parallels in their respective games.
9. Joe Kingman, The Game Plan (2007)
His Sam Bradford–like aesthetic aside, Joe Kingman is an exciting quarterback to watch. He’s a true dual threat and even has a signature move—the Kingman Swing—that he uses to embarrass would-be tacklers in the open field. Haters will point out that the “Kingman Swing” is just a basic spin move, but they can’t deny its potency. Kingman is a terror out in space, and he can make throws on the run from different arm slots, a rare trait for movie quarterbacks. He’s a playmaking force, but it comes at a cost. He’d rather scramble than throw a pass to a wide-open receiver downfield. Sure, he’s a talented enough runner to get away with that approach, but the decision-making frustrates his pass catchers and leads to locker room turmoil.
Best trait: Size
Kingman might be the most physically imposing quarterback in movie history, as the Rock stands at 6-foot-4 and weighs over 250 pounds.
Worst trait: Field vision
There are times when it looks like Kingman doesn’t know the designs of the plays he’s executing. A reporter even clocks Joe for it during a press conference announcing his reunion with his previously estranged 8-year-old daughter, asking, “How can you remember the plays if you couldn’t remember that you have a daughter?” It’s a fair question!
NFL comp: Russell Wilson
He’s got the chaotic playing style, the dynamic skill set, and the somewhat contrived public image. Though his talent is undeniable, I’m not sure I’d want him to quarterback my team, which drops him a few spots on this list.
8. Paul Blake, Necessary Roughness (1991)
Paul Blake has the game and performance to justify a high spot on this list. After the team loses all of its scholarships due to recruiting infractions, he carries a 17-man, walk-on-filled Texas State roster. And he does it with consistent accuracy and a soft touch. He’s more agile than you’d expect for a 34-year-old who hadn’t played football in over a decade—but we should also remember he’s playing against guys whose frontal lobes are not yet fully developed.
Best trait: Deceptive mobility
Blake may look like your typical pocket passer, but he’s got some wheels. It’s rare to see him get off a pass without having to make an unblocked pass rusher miss first. He’s no Lamar Jackson, but Blake remains a playmaking threat when he breaks the pocket.
Worst trait: His age
He’s a guy in his mid-30s hanging around a college campus. I get that the football program desperately needs him, but that doesn’t make his presence any less weird or off-putting. Go home and start a family, Paul.
NFL comp: Brandon Weeden
Weeden tore up Oklahoma State’s passing records in his mid-to-late 20s and even got himself drafted in the first round. But his game fell apart when he transitioned from college to the NFL. I fear that Blake would be exposed in a similar way at the next level.
7. Johnny Walker, Johnny Be Good (1988)
In the opening credits alone, we see Johnny Walker return a kickoff for a touchdown, punt the ball 60 yards with a five-second hang time, and show off some impressive pocket presence by evading a free rusher and keeping his eyes downfield long enough to complete a pass. We don’t have much film on Walker, which makes for a tricky evaluation, but we have plenty of proof that he’s a generational talent who has a natural feel for the quarterback position. He also comes off as a great teammate after faking an injury during a 52-0 game so his backup/best friend Leo Wiggins (played by Robert Downey Jr.) can get some playing time. That opening scene is the only glimpse we get of Walker’s play in an official game, but his performance in a two-on-two scrimmage against his love interest’s cop father provided even more evidence of his unique skill set as a quarterback. The cops handcuff Walker so he can only use his left hand, and he still manages to dust everyone on the field. Call me when Patrick Mahomes pulls that off.
Best trait: Versatility
We didn’t get to see Walker play on the defensive side, but he thrived in both offensive and special teams roles.
Worst trait: Size
Even if Walker doesn’t have prototypical size, it’s impossible to deny that he’s a special talent. And it’s easy to see why universities were willing to risk it all for Walker by offering him impermissible benefits. His indulgence is a bit of a concern, but it’s hard to fault a 17-year-old kid who’s enjoying the perks of being a star quarterback.
NFL comp: Kordell Stewart
The former Steelers quarterback could also punt and make plays as a ballcarrier. And like Walker, it’s unclear whether quarterback was Stewart’s best position or just the one he fell into.
6. Jonathan “Mox” Moxon, Varsity Blues (1999)
Varsity Blues paints Jonathan Moxon as a book-loving nerd who reads Kurt Vonnegut while pretending to study his playbook. That enrages his coach, the legendary Bud Kilmer, but in Mox’s defense, Kilmer’s playbook is filled with nonsense drawings of generic blocking assignments that don’t depict a full offensive line. Moxon has some good ideas for plays that could elevate the West Canaan passing game, including a formation that puts four receivers to one side and isolates star receiver Charlie Tweeter on the other, but Kilmer isn’t interested. Despite the problematic coach’s insistence on trotting out an archaic run-first offense, Mox still lights it up thanks to his strong arm and pinpoint accuracy. Plus, his vision for the offense is eventually validated after a locker room revolt pushes Kilmer out and the team uses Mox’s plays to spark a comeback in the district title game.
Best trait: Care for his teammates
Mox is a great passer and sharp football mind, but his loyalty to his teammates is his standout trait. He’s the only person who seems to care about Billy Bob’s concerning track record of head injuries; he calls an audible to give Wendell Brown a red zone touch after it becomes apparent that Kilmer is funneling touches to the team’s white players; and he turns down the advances of Harbor’s girlfriend—and even consoles her when she explains that’s she’s just scared of getting stuck in the small Texas town after the star quarterback’s career-ending injury.
Worst trait: Dedication to the game
Mox has the requisite talent and feel to play Division I football, but he ends up wasting that talent by accepting an academic scholarship to Brown.
NFL comp: Joe Burrow
He’s a ball knower who might be more qualified to call the offense than his polarizing coach.
5. Vince Howard, Friday Night Lights (2006-2011)
Vince Howard goes from a sophomore with zero football experience to a nationally recruited quarterback in under a year, which is a testament to his raw ability. Howard’s speed and agility get him on the field initially, but he proves to have a strong arm that coach Eric Taylor rides to a state championship in the young quarterback’s first full season as East Dillon’s starter. The strides he takes from his first season to his second allow the Lions to pivot from a Wildcat-based offense to more of a passing attack, as Howard explains in an interview with local media. The series ended before we could see Howard’s senior season, but it’s scary to think how good he would have been with another offseason of improvement.
Best trait: Arm strength
Howard’s final throw as an East Dillon Lion is a Hail Mary from 63 yards out that wins the state title. Howard has to avoid two unblocked pass rushers before getting the throw off and still manages to get the ball into the end zone from beyond midfield. That’s NFL-level arm talent.
Worst trait: Throwing mechanics
Michael B. Jordan is a good actor, but that didn’t translate to believable throwing mechanics. If Howard could tighten up his release, he could get even more zip on his passes.
NFL comp: Michael Vick
Howard isn’t the most consistent decision-maker, and his accuracy from the pocket is iffy, but he’s an electric athlete with the arm to match.
4. Joe Pendleton, Heaven Can Wait (1978)
Joe Pendleton’s skills hold up through two body changes in Heaven Can Wait. No other quarterback on this list can match that level of adaptability. No matter whose body he was taking over, Pendleton pushed the ball downfield and tested the secondary with accurate strikes. His average depth of target had to be in the double figures, and we rarely saw the ball hit the ground on the practice field. Warren Beatty’s throwing mechanics helped to sell Pendleton as a star quarterback, and he put them on full display over a handful of long cuts of football action. We see a lot of footage of Pendleton throwing the pigskin, and he’s always slinging it. He also makes a few crafty dump-off passes to beat the pass rush and shows some scrambling ability in his Super Bowl–winning performance. There’s more to his game than an impressive arm. Pendleton can do it all.
Best trait: Resilience
The guy dies twice and still wins the Super Bowl. That’s more impressive than Tom Brady’s 28-3 comeback.
Worst trait: Ring chasing
Pendleton gets his ring, but not without engaging in shameless ring chasing. The guy is thirsty for a championship at the end of his career. After taking over the body of multimillionaire Leo Farnsworth to get the plot started, he buys the Rams for $67 million and inserts himself into the starting lineup. Farnsworth is murdered right before L.A. is set to play in the Super Bowl, meaning Pendleton still can’t play in the big game. But when the Rams’ replacement quarterback dies after taking a big hit, Pendleton quickly takes over his body and leads Los Angeles to a win without taking any time to consider the well-being of his now-former teammate. Pendleton ends the movie as a champion, but at what cost?
NFL comp: Drew Brees
I’m picturing mid-career Brees, when he first got to New Orleans and led the NFL’s most explosive passing game. A big-game hunter like Pendleton could have thrown for 5,000 yards in those Sean Payton offenses.
3. Reno Hightower, The Best of Times (1986)
Reno Hightower never made it to the higher levels of football and may have peaked in high school, but his film speaks for itself.
He’s under intense pressure on nearly every dropback we see in the movie. But it hardly matters. Hightower is consistently able to slip away from the rush or get a throw off right before a big hit. That escapability, combined with Kurt Russell’s surprisingly fluid throwing motion, is lethal. If Hightower is that nimble 14 years after his high school days, imagine how he looked back when he was considered the greatest player in the history of South Kern County.
Best trait: His white shoes
Look, I don’t get it, but this small town goes nuts when Hightower puts on his white shoes.
Worst trait: Time away from the game
It’s impressive that Hightower maintained his high level of play after a decade away from the sport, but all that lost time stunted his growth as a quarterback.
NFL comp: Patrick Mahomes
Imagine if Mahomes had balled out in the face of all that pressure the Eagles put him under in the last Super Bowl. That’s how Hightower played down the stretch of the movie’s climactic game.
2. Willie Beamen, Any Given Sunday (1999)
Willie Beamen was ahead of his time. Drop him into today’s NFL, where quarterback mobility and creativity are valued, and there’s no way he’s rotting away on the bench behind a washed-up quarterback like Cap Rooney and some generic white backup the Sharks employed as their QB2. That’s right, Sharks coach Tony D’Amato had Beamen as a third-stringer before injuries up the depth chart forced him into action. When Beamen finally gets to play, he balls out and helps lead Miami to the playoffs. Opposing defenders can’t tackle him in the open field, his big arm and deep accuracy open up the Sharks’ passing game, and the young QB proves to be a sharp football mind, repeatedly changing D’Amato’s play calls in favor of a more effective strategy. D’Amato may not appreciate Beamen’s ball knowing-ness, but I do. And even with his coach stifling his self-expression on the field, Beamen’s talent shines through.
Now, Beamen does have robotic mechanics, which look straight out of Jeff Tedford’s school of quarterbacking. (That’s not a positive on his scouting report, to be clear.) And off the field, he’s a work in progress. He alienates his teammates to the point that LL Cool J’s character punches him in the face in the locker room after a heated argument about the play calling. Beamen also gets caught up in his newfound fame, which starts to impact his play and eventually costs him the starting job when Rooney returns from injury. Fortunately, Beamen seems to learn the error of his ways at the end of the movie, and he gets a second chance to play after another Rooney injury.
Best trait: Playmaking
I shudder to think what Beamen could have been in a dynamic, modern-day offense that leverages his running ability and big arm.
Worst trait: Rapping
“My Name Is Willie” is a catchy song, but I’m questioning the decision to get in the booth prior to locking down a long-term starting job. He was still technically the team’s third-string quarterback when the roster was fully healthy. He was Shedeur Sanders before Shedeur Sanders.
NFL comp: Aaron Rodgers
His talent is undeniable, but he rubs his teammates the wrong way, has strong opinions on how his team’s offense should be run, and seems to enjoy the public spotlight a bit too much. The Tedford-esque mechanics make this an obvious comp.
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1. Paul Crewe, The Longest Yard (1974 and 2005)
I’ve made the executive decision to combine the Burt Reynolds and Adam Sandler versions of the character into an aggregate Paul Crewe. And despite the obvious differences in their appearances—Reynolds was still at the top of his game in the looks department in 1974, while Sandler was settling into his schlubby era—there isn’t a lot separating how the two Crewes play in their respective films. Sandler’s version is surprisingly quick and has no problem escaping pressure. Reynolds, meanwhile, played running back at Florida State in real life and looks like a natural with the ball in his hands. His throwing mechanics are awkward and stiff, but adjusting for era, they pass for “good” based on the standards of the 1970s. Sandler is clearly using a stand-in for the intense football action shots in the 2005 remake, but he comes close to resembling a real NFL quarterback in the scenes he does take part in. He actually has a convincing play-action fake from under center. There are current professional quarterbacks who could learn from his film.
Best trait: Accuracy
Crewe showed off his accuracy by repeatedly throwing the football directly at a corrupt ref’s balls until he finally agreed to call a fair game. I doubt Roger Goodell would let that sort of intimidation fly in the NFL, but it’s a good break glass in case of emergency option for any quarterback to have.
Worst trait: Tendency to throw games
We can’t ignore the elephant in the room: In both versions, Crewe was banned from the NFL for point-shaving and was willing to throw the game against the guards (to avoid a bogus charge for his cellmate’s murder) before finally coming to his senses just in time to lead a comeback. Crewe is vindicated in the end, but his credibility in the locker room remains a valid concern. I’m willing to overlook that for a former league MVP who has no glaring holes in his game.
NFL comp: Brett Favre
I’ll let you make the obvious joke here.
