He’s 6-foot-5, there were two of him in The Social Network, and in 2017 he became a bona fide star. Armie Hammer’s breakthrough, after languishing through a failed Justice League reboot and flops like The Lone Ranger, finally came with Luca Guadagnino’s Call Me by Your Name, a picturesque, gay coming-of-age story costarring fellow breakout Timothée Chalamet.
The movie—from the stunning Italian countryside to the Sufjan Stevens songs to the peaches—was a gift in its own right, but its press cycle also gave us a seemingly endless stream of Hammer gaffes, quotes, and memes. There was that time Guadagnino shared how Hammer’s balls had to be digitally removed from the film, insinuating that the size of the actor’s testicles became a CGI nightmare (Hammer, for his part, blamed the shortness of the shorts). There was that time Fergie awkwardly interrupted him on stage at a charity event, because his aura inherently attracts drama. (“Hi Fergie, I’m actually Armie Hammer,” she said, making zero sense.) There was that other time Chalamet said he casually crawled into bed with Hammer and his wife, Elizabeth Chambers Hammer, which, and maybe this is just me, doesn’t seem like normal BFF behavior.
There were so many great moments, in fact, that Armie Season was born. The man and his behavior were so infectious and instantly meme-able that it effectively became its own endlessly entertaining news cycle. One day he’d wear a life-giving sweater, and the next he’d be on a late-night show telling a nasty, somewhat beguiling story about how he broke his toe so badly he fantasized about cutting it off.
But tragically, we have to face facts: Hammer’s watch has ended. The actor was not nominated in the Supporting Actor category at this year’s Oscars, despite garnering legitimate buzz and being nominated at the Golden Globes. It is a shame, not just because his empathetic performance in CMBYN was Oscar-worthy, but because the exclusion robs us of the potential of more hilarious anecdotes for Hammer to share with his fans (who are either called the Armie Army or Hammer Heads, your pick). Who will tell us toe stories? Who will dramatically leave Twitter? WHO WILL DANCE?
If there is any silver lining, it is that the end of Armie Season means the beginning of Timmy Season. The spotlight now falls on Chalamet, who did receive an Oscar nomination. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Timmy Season can be just as entertaining as Armie Season—after all, he raps, and every time he appears on a late-night show he seems ready to explode. And just as there are warm days in the winter, surely Timmy Season will feature a smattering of Hammer.
We may bemoan the Oscars snub, and the forthcoming lack of Hammer Time, but it’s just a phase: The actor will be in three movies later this year. He lives, he dies, he’ll live again. Until that time, let this video of Hammer face-planting into a pool wearing a tuxedo be a worthy salve for your soul.
