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Connor Cook–ed: Our Anti–Raiders QB Headline Predictions

The Oakland rookie was awful, but the puns he inspires will be great


In Connor Cook’s first NFL playoff start (which also happened to be his first career start, period), the former Michigan State quarterback and 2016 fourth-round Raiders draft pick was not very good. He threw for 161 yards on 18-for-45 passing, averaged just 3.6 yards per throw, and finished the game with a passer rating of 30.0. He was never going to be as good as injured MVP candidate Derek Carr, especially against the Texans’ top-ranked defense, and his receivers didn’t do him any favors by dropping passes all night; Michael Crabtree, who should have been a boon for the rookie QB, exited in the second half to be evaluated for a concussion.

But Cook wasn’t just worse than Carr or original Carr-backup Matt McGloin, who went down with a shoulder injury in Week 17, would have been. He was a human punch line, providing endless fodder for snarky jokes in his team’s 27–14 loss. Here are some possible Cook-based headlines to look for in tomorrow’s sports pages:

  • Connor Cook-ed in First Ever Start
  • Not Enough Cook-s in the Kitchen for the Raiders
  • Connor and the Raiders Not Invited to the Playoffs’ Second-Round Cook Out
  • Connor Not Cook-ing With Gas in Playoff Debut
  • No Home Cook-ed Meal for Connor and the Raiders in Houston
  • Raiders Don’t Like What Connor Cook-s Up in Matchup Against Texans
  • Raiders Quarterback Tastes a Bit Over Cook-ed, Says Oakland Fans
  • Do You Smell What Connor Is Cook-ing? (It’s a Playoff Defeat)
  • Cook Proves to be a Con(nor) Artist in Wild-Card Game Against Texans
  • Connor Hoped to Cook Texans, Couldn’t Even Start Fire
  • Texans Defense Does the Cook-ing Against Connor and the Raiders
  • Connor and the Raiders Offense Cook Up a Stinker
  • Raiders’ Goose Gets Cook-ed in Houston

Connor Cook is not the best NFL quarterback, but he’s definitely the best one for headlines.