LeBron James may have been named NBA Finals MVP — deservedly so! — but a different Cavalier has run away with the far more prestigious title of afterparty MVP: J.R. Smith. And the afterparty is still going strong.
Like all #lit things, it began with a teary-eyed press conference:
While most sports press conferences are full of vapid clichés, J.R. delivered a heartwarming soliloquy about his parents (on Father’s Day, no less). Afterward, he immediately returned to partying in the locker room (presumably with a bottle of Hennessy, the drink of champions). But that was only the beginning of the night’s festivities. On the way home to Cleveland, the Cavs made a pit stop in Vegas — as you do when you’ve just won an NBA title — and, unsurprisingly, J.R. stole the show:
Everything about Sunday night — including Game 7 itself — was mere prelude to J.R. dousing champagne on a Cavs fan:
He hasn’t worn a shirt for longer than 30 minutes since the Cavs won the title. Monday and Tuesday allowed J.R. to enjoy some precious alone time with the Larry O’Brien Trophy, and Wednesday was parade day. Contrary to popular belief, 1.3 million people didn’t flood the streets of Cleveland to celebrate the Cavs’ championship. Rather, 1.3 million people flooded the streets of Cleveland to watch J.R. Smith celebrate the Cavs’ championship:
Watching J.R. stroll through Cleveland, I finally understood what it must have been like to witness Jesus make his triumphal entry into Jerusalem. Cavs fans practically greeted J.R. with palms, and had no problem handing him a child to hoist skyward like some Lion King shit:
J.R. also found time to announce his long-anticipated endorsement for the 2016 presidential race. He’ll be voting for J.R. Smith, as will the entire state of Ohio:
J.R. is the people’s champ. If he stages a coup at the RNC next month, who’s gonna stand in his way? He represents working-class Clevelanders, drunk Clevelanders, irrationally confident Clevelanders, and, most of all, shirtless Clevelanders. The past four days have been one long mic drop for Swish, and he doesn’t wanna hear shit all summer. Deal with it.