It wasn’t until this past summer, as I sat in a theater watching that scene in Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood when Brad Pitt climbs on a roof and takes off his shirt, that I finally understood what the Founding Fathers meant when they wrote, “We hold these truths to be self-evident.”
In a world with fewer and fewer uniting, self-evident truths, the collective cheering and hollering from everyone in my overcrowded theater when a shirtless Brad Pitt stood on that roof and fixed that antenna felt strangely comforting. As long as Brad Pitt is still hot and charismatic, we will be OK, DAMNIT. It’s the same feeling I get whenever I hear Chris Harrison say it will be the most dramatic season of The Bachelor ever. It’s also the reason why Saturday Night Live chose Tom Hanks to host this past week—because he’s a constant, steady, universally admired figure. In these dark, strange times, we need such sources of widespread comfort and—specifically in Brad Pitt’s case—unadulterated thirst and stray opinions about architecture.
Which is why the debut of the Property Brothers’ new HGTV show, Celebrity I.O.U.—featuring none other than Brad himself—is such a godsend. Here he is, parting the clouds in in his little newsboy cap and nondescript T-shirt, talking about home design and knocking out an interior wall.
It’s completely random and unexpected—aside from plying his love of architecture, how in the world did the Property Bros. get him?—but it is also, somehow, exactly what I needed. And though Celebrity I.O.U. itself is about famous people giving back to the people who have helped them by doing home renovations (sure), I chose to use the debut episode as a window into Brad Pitt. Consider it self-care.
Brad Pitt is a good friend who listens
The reason Brad is on this show is because he asked Jonathan—the one without the beard, who is also the one dating Zooey Deschanel—and Drew Scott to help him do something nice for his longtime makeup artist and friend Jean Ann Black. Specifically, he wants to take Jean’s backyard storage space and turn it into a guest house/makeup station. But be warned: If Brad Pitt is your friend and decides he wants to give you a home renovation, he will GIVE YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. Because—get this—he’s been listening.
That’s right, not only is Brad Pitt always thinking of you and your 30-year friendship—he’s also taking notes on your favorite elements of design.
Brad Pitt is tactile
For whatever reason, this show would like us to know how tactile Brad Pitt is, more or less begging us to make the connection that he’s good with his hands. But really, the guy just loves touching materials:
First of all: Brad, you can touch whatever goddamn thing you want. Second of all: I would very much like to touch (and smell) Brad’s little newsboy hat.
Brad Pitt is also a design savant
Maybe I’m just an idiot, but I literally have no idea what he’s trying to say here. Personally, this just shows me how much of a higher knowledge of architecture and design both Brad and the Property Brothers have, and how unattainable their thoughts are to a normal human like me.
Brad Pitt is fashion
On anyone else, Brad’s post-fashion attire of layered T-shirts and newsboy hats would look forced and depressing—can you imagine if Chris Evans had the audacity to dress like this? Only Brad Pitt can pull off the sad dad aesthetic day after day. Relatedly, I’m dying to see what his closet looks like, and if he color codes.
This is what Brad Pitt looks like over FaceTime
Just so you know!
Brad Pitt is memes
I don’t know if he did this on purpose, but:
If the internet is worth anything at all, this episode of Celebrity I.O.U. will become a new well for reaction memes. Brad is certainly doing his part as a content creator, bless him.
Brad Pitt is Brad Pitt
Even the Property Brothers—big stars in their own right who intimately know at least one celeb (hi, Zooey)—understand that getting Brad Pitt for a guest slot is a big deal. And after this episode of Celebrity I.O.U., I’m convinced he’s on his way to becoming an even bigger deal. Brad Pitt has unlocked a Tom Hanks level of stardom, and I’m so proud of him. He’s truly our favorite hot divorced dad! And if I may just ask one more time: What does that hat smell like?