Annoying TV Kid Bracket: Two No. 1 Seeds Have Been Eliminated
It’s a quick end for Paige Jennings and Dana Brody. Plus: Can Joffrey Baratheon be stopped? Vote in the Elite Eight!Annoying TV Kid Bracket: Two No. 1 Seeds Have Been Eliminated
It’s a quick end for Paige Jennings and Dana Brody. Plus: Can Joffrey Baratheon be stopped? Vote in the Elite Eight!
The no. 1 seeds that dominated their eighth-seeded opponents on Monday either came crashing down or were buckled to their knees on Tuesday, and now the entire bracket is up for grabs. Dana Brody of Homeland was felled by fourth-seeded Manny Delgado of Modern Family. Paige Jennings of The Americans lost to fourth-seeded Julie Taylor from Friday Night Lights, a perfect distillation of all the times the Dillon Panthers pulled off a dramatic win in a game that they should have won handily. And Carl Grimes, whose most endearing moment on The Walking Dead was shooting his mother in the face, nearly lost to fifth-seeded Steve Urkel (Urkel!) before pulling away at the last moment (teasing us about a potential exit and then sticking around is such a Carl thing to do).
A.J. Soprano was the lone 1-seed to pull his weight, proving there’s a first time for everything. We’ll get a titillating matchup between him and 24’s Kim Bauer for a spot in the Final Four. We are also blessed with a matchup between Carl Grimes and Walt Jr. from Breaking Bad. Walt Jr. losing to Carl would be his biggest L since Skyler White swapped the regular bacon out for veggie bacon that smelled like Band-Aids. Walt and Carl fighting for the role of most annoying son of a Golden Age TV antihero is perfect because whoever wins this matchup will be steamrollered by A.J. Soprano one round later.
Yet the odds are that our champion will rise from the ashes of the other half of the bracket. Joffrey Baratheon has cut through his first two opponents like he was carving Lives of Four Kings with a Valyrian steel sword, but his competition thus far has been weak. In Round 1 he took down Cousin Oliver of The Brady Bunch (Oliver is the rightful heir to this annoying TV kid throne, but claims don’t matter without an internet army behind them). Joffrey earned the most votes in Round 2, albeit against Sally Draper of Mad Men. If he repeats that performance against the more formidable Julie Taylor for a spot in the Final Four, nobody—not even A.J. Soprano—may be able to stand in his way.
Here is the bracket updated through the Elite Eight.
You can vote right here on this website, on Twitter, and on Instagram until 5 p.m. ET on Wednesday afternoon.
The Elite Eight
(1) A.J. Soprano, The Sopranos vs. (2) Kim Bauer, 24
1. A.J. Soprano: I’m getting mad just thinking about this doofus. He of the double meatball, pepperoni, sausage, peppers, onions, and extra mozzarella pizza (A.J. is the only human ever to get snitched on by a slice of pizza), Tony Soprano’s only son was endlessly whiny, entitled, and altogether incapable. The guy got fired from Blockbuster! Sure, A.J. was a product of Tony’s lackluster parenting, but at some point you gotta stop making excuses for people—and that point is usually when they grow awful facial hair.
2. Kim Bauer: It’s actually a little shocking that Kim isn’t a 1-seed. During the second season of 24 in 2003, she revolutionized the Annoying TV Kid trope. By then she was completely irrelevant to the main plot of 24, but the show kept her story line going by having her … get lost in the wilderness and hunted by a mountain lion. There’s now a TV trope known as “Trapped by Mountain Lions”that describes when a character is so disjointed from the main plot of a show that his or her ongoing inclusion becomes deeply unjustifiable. Kim Bauer’s impact.
(1) Carl Grimes, The Walking Dead vs. (3) Walt Jr., Breaking Bad
1. Carl Grimes: Also known as CORAL, Carl Grimes may be the most angst-ridden, useless child ever depicted on TV. He basically got Dale killed in Season 2; his plan to infiltrate Negan’s compound failed instantly; and in Season 4, in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, this kid posted up on the roof of a house and ate pudding with a grating little smirk on his face. Boo this child.
3. Walt Jr.: This is in no way a comment on RJ Mitte, an actor with cerebral palsy who did a tremendous job hanging with the likes of Bryan Cranston, Anna Gunn, and Dean Norris on Breaking Bad. It is simply a comment on Walt Jr., a kid who only ever ate breakfast, who insisted on being called FLYNN, and who wouldn’t ever shut up about his friend Louis. He was also pretty shitty to his mom when she separated from his dad; a real misjudgment of character there.
(4) Julie Taylor, Friday Night Lights vs. (3) Joffrey Baratheon, Game of Thrones
4. Julie Taylor: Julie dumped Matt Saracen to date a guy known only as The Swede. I REST MY CASE.
3. Joffrey Baratheon: I have to admit I’m struggling with this one. Sure, Joffrey sucked. But he wasn’t annoying in a “man, I wish this show would stop focusing on this kid’s wild hormones and get back to the good stuff” kind of way; he was annoying in a “man, I really wish he’d stop murdering hookers with a crossbow” kind of way, which actually had some narrative value in Game of Thrones. It was extremely satisfying when he choked to death in Season 4, but it was also kind of sad, because no one was more fun to hate than Joffrey.
(4) Manny Delgado, Modern Family vs. (2) Wesley Crusher, Star Trek: The Next Generation
4. Manny Delgado: Manny Delgado is a try-hard dork who wears bowling shirts despite being 12 years old. He is neither as sophisticated nor as charming as he believes; kids who listen to jazz are not cool, they are lame and annoying.
2. Wesley Crusher: “He was just kind of around and annoying and nobody gave a damn about his story arc,” a member of the selection committee explained in nominating Wesley, inadvertently summing up the ethos of all Annoying TV Kids.
