Today in Actual News That Sounds Like Ringer Fan Fiction—and, reader, I did for a brief moment assume I was dreaming, or at least trapped in a Slack vortex—retired NBA star Baron Davis and acclaimed thespian Laura Dern went on a date and also made out. This morning Us Weekly published photos of the pair’s rendezvous, which soon garnered a mix of shock and intense jubilation in the hyperspecific part of Twitter composed of people who love great, underappreciated actresses and point guards from the Golden State Warriors team that originally made 3-point shooting a hot item.
Good morning to no one,— Andrew Spena (@iamsosorry) December 27, 2017
except Laura Dern and Baron Davis pic.twitter.com/JumJbY9Dmr
Eyewitnesses noted that the two were “infatuated with each other” and “very much like a new couple in love,” inspiring hope that 2018 can be a better year for all of us.
It is unclear whether Davis and Dern’s date, thankfully captured in some of its steamy glory, is the start of a new thing, but Us Weekly smartly tossed in a hyperlink to another story, “Unlikely Celebrity Couples.” The pairing is indeed unlikely; someone asked The Ringer’s own Sean Yoo if our cherished site was somehow behind the groundbreaking news (to my knowledge, we are not).
But now I want every possible detail of this fandom fever-dream romance: How and when did they meet? Is Baron Davis a big fan of Jurassic Park, or was it Dern’s auteur-driven work that first captured his eye? Was Laura Dern a Warriors fan back when their Big Three was represented by Davis, Stephen Jackson, and Jason Richardson? Did Davis offer to hold her purse, or was he asked?
While I am happy for other celebrity couplings and will always stan for Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys, Laura Dern and Baron Davis honestly might be my new favorite item. As long as the two are actually trying things out and not just throwing NBA Hipster Internet for a loop, this is the romance we need in 2018.