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The Cold, Wet Truth About the Incompetent Knicks

It’s one thing if your team applies zero pressure in a blowout loss, it’s another if that team also has zero pressure in its showers

Getty Images/Ringer illustration

Showering is important. Washing your legs is important. Water pressure is important. Hot water is important. These are four inarguable truths. Here are four more: (1) The Knicks got destroyed, 127-106, by the Grizzlies on Wednesday, suffering their 12th loss in 15 games. (2) The Knicks signed 347 power forwards this summer, then fired David Fizdale for not transforming all 347 players into Chris Bosh. (3) The Knicks are tied for the worst start in franchise history. (4) Most egregious of all, the Knicks have bad water pressure.

Rookie of the Year favorite Ja Morant finished with 18 points against the Knicks on an efficient 7-for-13 shooting to go along with 10 assists. Ja was tired. Ja worked hard. Ja, I assume, was sweaty. While a minor skirmish broke out in the final seconds, true controversy struck after the game when the Grizzlies retreated to the showers in the visitors locker room, only to discover they were defective.

“Ja Morant says there’s no hot water and only 3 drops of water coming out of the Knicks visitor showers,” New York Daily News’ Kristian Winfield reported. “The Grizzlies are actively trying to get both hot water and water pressure to take showers right now.”

Cold water is one thing. Katharine Hepburn took cold showers all the time. She called them “Exhilarating!” So had our outspoken hero: “I’ve taken cold showers before,” Morant said, “but at least I had water pressure.” If you’ve ever rinsed off in one of those shitty outdoor beach showers meant to wash away sand, you know this is true. Bad water pressure is miserable and, in this case, gross negligence.

There are hundreds of instructional videos on YouTube explaining how to get better water pressure. Probably more! I was too disheartened after 237 to keep counting. There might be more How to Get Better Water Pressure posts than there are Super Bowl search posts telling people the time and channel for the game. Low water pressure, friends, is actually dangerous.

When the two jarring traits are combined—cold and weak—it becomes personal. Though I have to wonder whether Morant forgave the Knicks in that moment, realizing his own privilege. Morant was one pick away from becoming a Knick in the 2019 NBA draft. Instead, he joined a rebuilding team that took only one year to get better and have fun again. Meanwhile, New York’s disastrous reboot has been going on for six-plus years with no clear end in sight. No water pressure, no defensive pressure, no atmospheric pressure. Ja got the full Knicks experience in his Madison Square Garden debut—and that was enough.

“This is beyond me,” Ja said, confounded. And it was, both beyond him and below him. Both unfathomable and disrespectful. Just like the Knicks, really.