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Michael Beasley Is Here to Blow Your Mind

But seriously, the new Knicks forward’s meditation on the brain makes no sense

Michael Beasley at New York Knicks media day Photo by Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

Ever since Phil Jackson was fired this past June as president of the New York Knicks, the team has been noticeably free of nonsensical pronouncements, cryptic tweets, and other wtf are you talking about? moments that made the Zen Master’s three-year tenure so entertaining and concerning. It seemed that with the appointment of Scott Perry as the new general manager and the merciful trade of an unhappy Carmelo Anthony, we were set for a more milquetoast era in Knicks basketball.

Enter Michael Beasley.

In an interview with SportsNet New York’s Taylor Rooks on Tuesday morning, the newly-signed Knickerbocker bravely stepped up to the mound to supply a fresh dose of mystical nonsense. It should be noted that during the interview Beasley is wearing three watches: one on each of his wrists and a third around his right ankle. In the clip posted on Rooks’s Twitter account, Beasley delves into a topic that he is clearly very passionate about and has devoted much thought to: the human brain.

Beasley begins profoundly, “You can research the human brain and da, da, da, right? It says we are only capable of using 10 percent of our brain, right?” Rooks, clearly destabilized by the existential heft of Beasley’s line of questioning, can only mumble in agreement, “Yes, that is the consensus scientifically,” she says. (It’s not.)

Beasley then moves to his central concern of his neurological inquiry, “So who was the guy that used 11 to make it OK to say that everybody was using 10?” We watch as Rooks does her best to combat the mind-melting force of this searing proposition. “That isn’t the right logic,” she says, slightly unsure. (It isn’t.) “No because if you’re only using 10 percent of your brain, you don’t even know that you’re using 10 percent of your brain,” Beasley concludes with a wide-eyed assurance that would make Christopher Lloyd proud.

Screenshot via SportsNet New York

In Kyrie’s post–flat Earth NBA, the floor has been opened to any and all kinds of interesting takes on the world and the things that inhabit it. It’s an age when facts are cumbersome, inconvenient constructs. Beasley’s brain talk is a continuation of this trend and a welcome sign that the days of strange, pseudo-intellectual reasoning may not be quite over in New York.