Many wonderful things happen in the trailer for Fast & Furious 9, which was released on Friday. Many, many wonderful things.
- We get the opening piano keys from Wiz Khalifa’s “See You Again” featuring Charlie Puth, which was the song in Furious 7 that sent us toward a final goodbye—to Brian O’Connor, and to the franchise as we knew it.
- We get Dominic Toretto working on a tractor with his son, who is named after Brian, who was played for nearly two decades by Paul Walker, who passed away during the filming of Furious 7.
- We get Dominic Toretto saying, “I will always be in your heart,” to his son as he tucks him in for a night’s sleep, and I don’t figure it’s too much of a stretch to say here that that exact phrasing was used to imply that there’s a chance that Dominic might not make it out of Fast & Furious 9 alive. (I don’t think he’ll actually die, but it definitely seems like they want us to think that he might.)
- We get Letty handing off her silver cross necklace that Dominic gave her instead of a ring at their wedding and telling little Brian it’s for protection while ominous music begins elbowing its way into the “See You Again” sound bite.
- We get Letty getting knocked off a dirtbike midflight by a super all-terrain armored car that crashes into her during a chase scene.
- We get Dominic Toretto overpowering what looks like at least 15 men during a fight.
- We get Helen Mirren being Helen Mirren.
- We get the return of Charlize Theron’s Cipher, the single most evil villain the Fast franchise has ever seen. (Her two greatest offenses: wearing dreadlocks and killing the mother of Dominic Toretto’s child in front of him and the child, in that order.)
- We get Cipher sporting a bowl cut rather than the dreadlocks.
- We get Letty karate-kneeing a guy out of a window and then riding him down toward the ground like his corpse is a goddamn surfboard. Right here is a good spot to remind you that Letty has given us the two best fights that have ever happened in a Fast movie: her fight in the subway with Gina Carano in Fast & Furious 6 and her fight with Ronda Rousey at the party in Furious 7, in that order.
- We get a shitty Pontiac with a literal rocket strapped to the top of it.
- We get a three-section armored truck getting flipped forward over itself, while Dominic Toretto calmly drives out from under it just as it’s about to come crashing down on him.
- We get Ludacris driving a car across a rope bridge while Tyrese sits in the backseat and screams. (Tyrese has long been the premier screamer in the Fast universe. Nobody is better than him at it. He has weaponized it as a sort of comedy cannon.)
- We get a fucking magnet plane, which … I mean … I don’t even know.
- We get Dominic Toretto somehow Spider-Man-ing a car across a cliff.
- And we get the introduction of John Cena’s character, Jakob, a “master thief, assassin, high-performance driver” who …
- Get ready for it …
- Get readyyyyyyyyyyyy …
- Almost thereeeeeeeeeeeee …
- HERE IT COMES …
- WHO IS DOMINIC TORETTO’S YOUNGER BROTHER!
- AND HE HATES DOMINIC!
- AND THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT EACH OTHER!
But that’s not it.
All of that is beautiful, it really is. It’s a whole bunch of things that I am absolutely excited about seeing in a Fast trailer. But none of those things—not even the magnet plane—are the very best thing from the trailer.
Because HAN IS BACK, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE IT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!!!!!!
In the final 20 seconds of the trailer, Letty walks into some sort of underground lair that most of the rest of the team is already in. “Hey, guys,” she says, offering up a rare smile to everyone. Then there’s a cut to Dominic, who isn’t saying any words but whose spirit you can feel rumbling through the screen like a Chevy Chevelle SS idling at a stoplight. Then there’s a cut to Tyrese, who is giving his very best I’m Somewhat Confused Right Now as he looks toward Letty. And then it cuts back to the tunnel Letty walked in.
And there he is.
HAN, WHO WAS PREVIOUSLY KILLED BY JASON STATHAM (AND BURIED BY DOM!!!!) AND WHO HAD NOT MEANINGFULLY APPEARED IN EITHER OF THE PAST TWO FAST MOVIES.
HE’S RIGHT THERE, REAL AND ALIVE AND AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER—POSSIBLY EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN EVER.
HE COMES SAUNTERING INTO THE ROOM IN THAT WAY THAT ONLY HAN HAS EVER BEEN ABLE TO, A TINY SNACK IN HIS HAND AND A NEW HAIRCUT ON HIS HEAD.
“Surprise,” says Letty, and let me tell you what: I WAS SO SURPRISED, AND REMAIN SO SURPRISED.
“Nice clubhouse,” Han says, scanning the room and everyone in it all at once.
HOW BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT IS THAT?
Why is Han alive? How is Han alive? Where has Han been? How did nobody know about this? Who got buried during the funeral in Furious 7? Why wouldn’t Han have contacted anyone during these past few years? Does this mean Gisele might still be alive too?
The answer to all of those is yet another question: Who cares?
Because he’s here. He’s back. HAN IS BACK.
JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED.