There is an unspoken Hollywood rule that any time an Alien movie is made, a Predator movie must soon follow. These alien creature features have been intertwined for decades, and even shared two crossover events together—Marvel, eat your heart out! So when Ridley Scott returned to space with Alien: Covenant last year, of course a Predator reboot was already in the works from director Shane Black, who actually starred in the original Predator movie and had the honor of being disemboweled by the creature.
The first trailer for Black’s movie, The Predator, dropped on Thursday, and while it’s pretty light on plot and the titular Predator, all the ingredients are there: soldiers who are in way over their heads, generous amounts of gore, and … Jacob Tremblay? OK, that’s definitely different, but I’m still on board.
Because this is a Predator movie, there are going to be a lot of human deaths. But also because this is a Predator movie, by the end of the movie, at least one badass soldier will go full Arnold Schwarzenegger and kill the extraterrestrial foe while calmly informing the other survivors to make their way to the nearest helicraft. It’s just how these things work.
Armed with our first footage from The Predator and a surprisingly versatile cast, here’s our rankings, from least likely to most likely, of who will kill the Predator.
11. Jake Busey
With all due respect to his acting abilities, there is only one reason Jake Busey is in the new Predator movie, and that’s because his dad—the Gary Busey—was in Predator 2 at the height of his Busey-ness. Jake’s character is even the son of Gary’s character, if it wasn’t on the nose enough already. His father got a great death scene, and Jake Busey’s whole vibe screams “gruesome early death as mandatory Predator fan service.” If that’s not enough, look at his character’s outfit:
Tomorrow… something is coming. #ThePredator @the_predator_movie @thepredator pic.twitter.com/2wUkS9U8v1— Jake Busey (@TheJakeBusey) May 9, 2018
He’s going to die very badly, and thus, he will not be killing the Predator.
10. Keegan-Michael Key
If you told me at the peak of Key & Peele’s greatness that one half of the comedic duo would direct an Oscar-winning horror movie and the other would play a dude fighting the Predator, I wouldn’t have believed you, and I’d have had a really hard time telling you which would do which. But here we are—and hey, good for both of them!
I feel confident that Key will be playing to his strengths, bringing some much-needed levity to the movie—but that also means he has no chance of killing the Predator. The comic-relief character is destined to die near the end of the movie, once the audience gets attached to him and his jokes, so that we’re all sufficiently devastated when the Predator cuts him in half with an alien bone saw.
9. Alfie Allen
You know how the great John Wick just casually killed Alfie Allen’s pathetic Russian mobster in John Wick? Just replace the Baba Yaga with the Predator.
Alfie Allen lives to play characters who are destined for horrible destruction.
8. Yvonne Strahovski
Strahovski is playing the ex-wife of Boyd Holbrook’s lead protagonist, Quinn McKenna—as well as the mother of Jacob Tremblay (his character has a name, but we’re all just gonna call him Jacob Tremblay). Unfortunately, I don’t have any faith that The Predator is subversive enough to let the mother/wife character kill an unstoppable alien creature. She will most likely just be very worried about her son a lot.
7. Edward James Olmos
Olmos is playing “Military General”—the character’s actual name hasn’t even been announced. He is going to die. So say we all!
6. Sterling K. Brown
In a perfect world, Sterling K. Brown would deliver one of his tear-inducing This Is Us monologues about family and the Predator would begin crying through his weird alien face, realize it is harming innocent humans for mere sport, and pack its bags on the spaceship it came from to live a life of pacifism. But this movie is not called This Is Predator, and Brown is playing a government agent. Even if he somehow doesn’t die, there’s no way he’s killing the Predator.
5. Thomas Jane
Here’s where things get interesting. Thomas Jane’s character, a military veteran, doesn’t seem to get top billing in this movie. But he is Thomas Jane, the man who defeated the super-smart, Samuel L. Jackson–killing sharks in Deep Blue Sea, and who had a brief stint as the Punisher. Our best bet: He puts up a good fight against the Predator, and at one point gets the upper hand before ultimately being defeated.
4. Olivia Munn
I’m not sure I’m sold on Scientist Olivia Munn, but she does deliver a lot of exposition in the first The Predator trailer about the creature, and how it’s using DNA from other planets and creatures to enhance its own abilities. If the heroes find a way to stop the Predator, it may come about thanks to some scientific breakthrough by her character. As long as she approaches the task with the apparent fervor she has for the Crusades, I like her chances.
3. Trevante Rhodes
The Moonlight star is playing the best friend to Holbrook’s McKenna, and I know what you’re thinking: Aren’t the best friends in these movies usually toast?
Rebuttal: He has a lot of ammo, and giant biceps.
2. Boyd Holbrook
As McKenna, Holbrook is not only the main character, but a dude who used to be in the Special Forces and is trying to protect Jacob Tremblay. Don’t be fooled by the trailer when the Predator chokes him against a wall: He’s going to be fine.
Sure, Boyd doesn’t have the build of Schwarzenegger—nor am I confident he could convince anyone to “head to the choppa” with as much gusto—but when there’s a giant alien trying to hurt your friends and adorable son, you’re going to put up your best fight.
1. Jacob Tremblay
Jacob Tremblay is the X factor. It’s very weird that an adorable kid would be in an R-rated Predator movie, but he’s also super important to the plot. He inadvertently summons the Predator to Earth by activating its beacon—for some reason, a package of Predator swag shows up at his house (??)—and he might also have a central role in defeating it. Tremblay’s character, to quote from a synopsis, “becomes a key player in the fight [against the Predators] due to his preternatural ability to learn languages.”
IS JACOB TREMBLAY GOING TO SPEAK PREDATOR? If that’s the case, I’m not ruling anything out: Maybe he’ll pick up a gun just as his dad’s about to be wiped out and shoot the Predator in the head while saying, “You are one ugly motherfucker!” in Predator-ese. Jacob Tremblay is changing the game, and I’m calling it now: He’s the one who’s going to kill the Predator.