The best running reality show on TV hath returned: 23 more B- to D-level celebrities are packing into a castle in the Scottish Highlands, where they will be turned against one another, tasked with rooting out the trespassers within, forced to compete in challenges that somehow all evoke being buried alive, and privileged to behold what wild shit host Alan Cumming is rocking the hell out of on any given day. The first three seasons of the American version of The Traitors were art—a stunning spectacle showcasing what happens when you gather a bunch of people who are (in)famous for acting irrationally and ask them to think rationally—but the fourth season has the potential to eclipse them all. The cast is a stunning collection of names you’d never thought would be jammed into the same breath: On top of your usual Real Housewives and Survivor legends, there’s Laguna Beach’s Stephen Colletti, figure skater Tara Lipinski, DONNA KELCE, comedian Ron Funches, the guy from Love Island USA who catches snakes, and overall horrible hang Michael Rapaport. If you thought it was weird to watch Boston Rob and Tom Sandoval having a conversation, just wait until you see Dorinda Medley talk game theory with Taylor Swift’s future mother-in-law.
To commemorate this momentous event—and keep tabs on this absurd cast of characters—each week, we will be evaluating the power dynamics of the Traitors castle, determining who’s running the show, who’s playing the best game, and who’s avoiding the ire of the murder-happy Traitors and, even more importantly, the paranoia-driven Faithfuls. We’ll also be holding ceremonies for the players we lose along the way. Let’s kick it off with a mega-recap of the season’s first three episodes, which were all released on January 8.
In Memoriam
Ian Terry (Murdered by the Traitors)
I gotta be honest, if I were setting odds for “first sent home,” Ian would’ve been near the bottom of the list. I thought the nervous-little-guy act he was putting on in the Season 4 premiere was really compelling and convincing and that the Traitors would at the very least look past him for the first axing. But when he was one of the contestants to get a casket put in his grave during the first challenge, he ended up on a short list of just nine—a list made up of two gamers (Ian and Rob Cesternino), one Housewife (Dorinda Medley), one reality TV doofus (Rob Rausch from Love Island USA), and five stragglers (Mark Ballas, Michael Rapaport, Eric Nam, Donna Kelce, and Ron Funches). That short list was whittled down to an even shorter list of Ian, Rob R., Mark, and Eric, and since Rob is a Traitor, it was basically a list of three. This group of Traitors—Rob R., Lisa Rinna, and Candiace Dillard Bassett—has immediately made it clear that they’re all about eliminating threats as opposed to sowing pure chaos. All of that considered, it’s no shock that Ian got got.
RIP, little dude—it would’ve been fun to see you pretend not to be smart for longer.
Porsha Williams (Banished by the Faithfuls)
Can someone explain what the fuck happened here? After Ian’s murder, Porsha literally says, in front of multiple people, “I thought it could be Ian, and he’s the one I killed.” And then she also says, in front of a different group of people, “If we kill a Faithful …” And then after that, she very confidently asserts that there are four Traitors, something she should have zero inkling about. The second slip is more understandable—it seems like she was talking about banishment and just mixed up the terminology—but the other two are a little inexplicable!
And so it’s not surprising that Ron raises them at the roundtable. It’s even less surprising that that carries a ton of weight and gets Porsha sent home: In a game where shreds of evidence are few and far between and you mostly have to go off your gut (a.k.a. implicate the people you don’t like), any semblance of empirical data is massive. What is surprising is how, after Porsha reveals that she is, in fact, a Faithful, everyone turns on Ron like, “Hey, fuck you, you fuckin’ dirty Traitor.” He was just relaying something someone LITERALLY SAID! It’s not his fault that neither he nor anyone else knew that Porsha just be saying shit sometimes!
Rob Cesternino (Murdered by the Traitors)
Like I was saying, these Traitors—a group composed of reality TV idiots—are (OK, probably smartly) dedicated to eliminating the pure gamers. And Rob C. was clearly the smartest of them all: Through just two episodes, he brought a level of game theory and logical thinking rarely seen in an entire season of The Traitors. When the Traitors were in the process of murdering in plain sight, he legit walked up to one of them and said, “I think the Traitors are going to do a murder in plain sight.” It’s a real bummer that he’s gone because it would’ve been endlessly entertaining to watch a logical thinker try to break through to a group eternally dead set on baseless, impassioned groupthink.
But this is a growing trend on The Traitors: Gamers won the first two seasons, but Season 3’s four winning Faithfuls were all more unassuming contestants. And now the gamers are being picked off even earlier in Season 4. I’d be on guard if I were Natalie Anderson, Yamil “Yam Yam” Arocho, or Tiffany Mitchell.
Donna Kelce (Banished by the Faithfuls)
Obviously, Donna’s gonna need her own section …
Pour One Out for the Secret Traitor
This season, The Traitors did something new, electing a “Secret Traitor” whose identity remained a mystery not only to the Faithfuls and the rest of the Traitors but also to the viewers. It was kind of a fun idea that created both Traitor-on-Traitor crime and a mystery box for the audience—the only problem is that the gimmick lasted only two episodes because the Secret Traitor was rooted out and banished by the Faithfuls.
But shout-out to Donna Kelce for being said Secret Traitor! What a twist, what a reveal, what an exit.
A few more things on Donna:
- The Faithfuls ended up being right, of course, but it is hilarious that the basis of their suspicion about Donna was that she was relatively more quiet than the rest of the group—a group whose entire job is being incredibly loud in front of the camera. Yeah, obviously the demeanor of a normal 73-year-old lady who’s never been on a reality show is going to seem weird compared with all of you wackos!
- I’m sad to lose Donna so early because it was very fun—and dangerous—to play a drinking game where you took a shot every time someone directly mentioned Travis, Jason, or Taylor Swift.
- It kind of feels like Donna had a hard out and that the show contorted itself to get her sent home? The vultures were circling her after she voted with Ron and skirted banishment at the first roundtable. And then in the third episode, Alan moved up the roundtable to before the challenge, thus eliminating crucial hours Donna could’ve spent getting back in the good graces of the paranoid Faithfuls. Instead, the ensuing roundtable vote against her ended up being one of the most lopsided I can remember on this show.
- This should be Taylor Swift’s next album cover:
Let’s get to the power rankings …
The Traitors Power Rankings
Power, in this context, is a measure of who is controlling the house, who seems furthest away from being banished, and who has the best odds to prevail at the end of the road.
1. Rob Rausch (Love Island USA)
I can’t believe it, either. This is a guy whose cool-bro I-will-gaslight-you energy is deeply off-putting. This is a guy who, after being confronted by one woman on Love Island because he started dating another woman, responded by bursting into tears, telling the first woman that he really liked her, and then running and hiding underneath a pool deck. This is a guy who catches snakes for a living, has a giant snake tattoo on his arm, and refuses to pass up an opportunity to talk about snakes:
It’d be preposterous to think that this guy would be running the Traitors castle—but he kinda is! He’s been a leader during the challenges, he’s ingratiated himself with the Faithfuls, his quietude has been interpreted as charming rather than creepy, and he’s led the trio of Traitors to ruthlessly murder the cast’s gamers.
Eventually, everyone’s gonna turn on him—and I really can’t wait to see how he acts when, much like a snake being hunted, he’s backed into a corner—but that time is not now.
2. Natalie Anderson (The Amazing Race)
“I’m a Faithful, and I want to play an aggressive Faithful game.”
I believe it was Yam Yam who correctly noted in the premiere that this game is much easier to win if you’re a Faithful. And of all the Faithfuls, Natalie is the most badass. She’s a beast in challenges, a beast at the roundtable … the only way she won’t win this thing is if the Traitors get to her.
3. Tiffany Mitchell (Big Brother)
You gotta like the game Tiffany’s playing. In the first two episodes, she does a flawless job of following the group when there’s a clear consensus while at the same time pulling her own strings in the shadows. In the premiere specifically you barely even notice her, yet she’s making moves.
The strategy of cozying up to Michael Rapaport—by far the most hated housemate thus far, Faithful or Traitor—rather than ostracizing him could be a losing one; at the end of Episode 3, it’s why Colton Underwood begins to suspect her motives (because why TF would anyone willingly befriend Michael Rapaport?). But still, if Tiffany and Colton are going to war, I like Tiffany way more in that fight.
4. Colton Underwood (The Bachelor)
For very legitimate reasons, I cannot condone this dude. But he’s admittedly been a large figure in the cast through three episodes, leading the Faithfuls as they take up their pitchforks based on his whims and driving conversations at the roundtable. It honestly seems like he’s running the playbook of his fellow Bachelor Pilot Pete, who etched his place in Traitors history by playing an aggressive game and setting traps for the bad guys, leading the fight to root out Traitors Dan Gheesling and Parvati Shallow. Colton, similarly, has come in all gas and no brakes.
Notably, though, Pilot Pete’s aggressiveness came back to bite him—he was sent home by Faithfuls who were irked by his main character energy one episode before the finale. Colton needs to build a larger coalition than Pete did, lest he face the same fate.
5. Yam Yam Arocho (Survivor)
I don’t have much to say about Yam Yam at the moment—I just really like him. It seems very possible that he’ll win Traitors the same way he won Survivor, by charming with his big personality while making shrewd gameplay moves. To that end: If Rapaport is going to make the Faithfuls choose between him and Yam Yam, he’s not gonna like how that ends up.
6. Lisa Rinna (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills)
It is interesting that the show has chosen two Housewives to be Traitors. Rapaport is the worst, but he wasn’t wrong when he suggested that, historically and statistically speaking, one of the five Housewives is likely to be a Traitor. Now, with Porsha already gone, those odds get even higher—and the Faithfuls have a 50/50 shot of hitting the bull’s-eye should they aim at the queens of Bravo. Lisa is ranked this high at the moment because (1) she has the power to kill people and (2) she’s implicating herself a whole lot less than Candiace.
A few stray observations about Lisa:
- It is very funny that instead of saying, “I wish I could call my husband,” she says, “I wish I could call Harry Hamlin.”
- She says the word “iconic” constantly.
- She uses the phrase “Lisa Fucking Rinna” constantly.
- The denim and glasses combo she wears in the premiere might be the worst thing anyone has ever worn on this show (and that is saying something):
7. Candiace Dillard Bassett (The Real Housewives of Potomac)
I’m not convinced that Candiace understands the show she is on. She talks so damn much. Through three episodes, she’s done the following:
- After being tapped as a Traitor, she immediately implicates Lisa Rinna as a Traitor rather than waiting to find out who the other Traitors are.
- She gets into a kerfuffle between Porsha and Rapaport by first telling Porsha that Rapaport is gunning for the Housewives and then, after Rapaport denies ever saying anything of that nature, gaslighting Porsha by being like, “Oh, no, you misheard me.”
- She openly defends Porsha at the roundtable, motivated not by strategy but by sheer Housewife loyalty.
- She’s been consumed by taking down the Secret Traitor, despite the fact that she and the Secret Traitor are technically on the same team.
And those are just the big ones! In every single scenario, Candiace thrusts herself into the public eye, jumping off the top rope to join conversations with seemingly no larger plan. She’s going to start putting a target not just on her back, but on the Traitors’ backs as a whole. If there’s anyone at risk of being a victim of Traitor-on-Traitor crime this season, it’s easily her.
8. Dorinda Medley (The Real Housewives of New York City)
I was pretty convinced that the show had made Dorinda the Secret Traitor to guarantee that she wouldn’t be sent home after the first episode, à la Season 3. Turns out she’s just made it this far on her own merit! Ride that Housewife alliance until the wheels fall off, girl.
9. Monét X Change (RuPaul’s Drag Race)
Everyone loves Monét, and I love Monét for the way she Crip walks to the kitchen where Porsha and Candiace are about to have it out:
10. Maura Higgins (Love Island UK)
First of all, Maura has one of the greatest Irish accents ever put to film. Second of all, she says that her plan is to be “the sweet, nice, innocent girl from Love Island”—but I have personally seen her devour men whole on that show. Seriously, watch her destroy this dude:
I cannot wait for someone to step to her on The Traitors (which, based on the preview for Episode 4, seems like it might happen sooner rather than later).
11. Tara Lipinski (Olympic Skater)
It is deeply funny that Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir, two former Olympic figure skaters who have been commentating for the Winter Olympics together since 2014, have come into this game with the plan of downplaying their close relationship. Like, guys—y’all have very prominently been working together for over a decade! Millions of Americans watch the figure skating broadcast every four years!
I suppose they’re relying on the hope that reality stars don’t watch sports—which, OK, yeah, so far that seems to be the case.
12. Stephen Colletti (One Tree Hill)
Look, I’m taking major umbrage at the fact that The Traitors is trying to gaslight me into believing that Stephen’s biggest contribution to pop culture was his 57-episode run as Chase Adams on One Tree Hill, and not being called STEPHAAAAAN by Kristin Cavallari and Lauren Conrad on MTV’s Laguna Beach. What are we doing here?! Why are you trying to lie to me, The Traitors?
Anyway, so far Stephen is nailing it as the guy you forget is also in the room. He currently has zero sway among the larger group, but I could see him cruising underneath the fray to the end of this season.
13. Kristen Kish (Top Chef)
We need to see more from Kristen—to this point, she’s mostly just made a handful of chef-related puns. But I think we will: I’d be pretty surprised if the Traitors choose to murder her in the woods in the next episode.
14. Mark Ballas (Dancing With the Stars)
Lisa really hits the nail on the head in the season premiere when she says, “Is that Kenny G?” This guy looks exactly like Kenny G, and I’m sure he gets pretty upset every time someone points this out.
15. Caroline Stanbury (The Real Housewives of Dubai)
On night one, Caroline dresses as either David Byrne in Stop Making Sense or the Little Rascals trying to get a bank loan:
Game-wise, Caroline seems to have made a lot of friends, but thanks to Colton’s shaky-ass hands, she’s on the chopping block heading into Episode 4. Plus, in terms of the Housewife hierarchy, Dubai is undoubtedly on the bottom. Lisa and Candiace seem to have zero qualms about shanking her.
16. Eric Nam (Singer-Songwriter)
Forgive me, but: Am I supposed to know who this guy is? Everything I know about him I have learned from his Wikipedia, which essentially boils down to two interesting things:
- He got a job at Deloitte.
- During the 2018 Winter Olympics in South Korea, he, I quote, “appeared on the prime-time Olympic broadcast of American television network NBC, providing an in-depth look at K-pop.” The hosts of that segment? Definitely-not-close-friends Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski. [Gasp!]
Either way, this sweet little soul is constantly on the short list to be murdered, and if it doesn’t happen at the beginning of Episode 4, it’ll probably happen soon after.
17. Johnny Weir (Olympic skater)
Johnny Weir fell headfirst into a loch.
18. Michael Rapaport (Generally Bad Hang)
Jesus, talk about the worst dude ever. Fresh off announcing a mayoral run against Zohran Mamdani in 2029, Rapaport is here in Scotland being the most annoying presence these other reality stars—and I repeat: These are people who have been on reality TV—have ever experienced. He is incredibly abrasive, deeply distracting, and off-puttingly fawning when it comes to the Real Housewives. (Stop calling yourself a glorified Housewife, my guy.) His personal vendetta against Yam Yam seems, at least in the context of everything we know about Rapaport’s politics, based entirely on Yam Yam’s ethnicity and sexual orientation. Whenever Rapaport gets banished—and it will happen—it won’t be because anyone thinks he’s a Traitor; it’ll be because everyone is just sick of his fucking guts.
Also, who drinks water like this?!
19. Ron Funches (Comedian)
Sorry, Ron. You’re definitely gonna die soon.
