An NFL team’s relationship with its quarterback is like a romantic endeavor between two people. Before they meet, they both deeply yearn to find each other. Once they do, they must grow together to become one cohesive unit. And when there are struggles with, uh, performance, difficult conversations arise.
So to determine just how committed each of the NFL’s 32 teams are to their respective quarterbacks, we’re going to Define the Relationship. Some teams are stuck in a temporary rut, but their current struggles won’t affect their long-term relationship (like in Baltimore). Some teams are having a fun fling, but are obviously not looking for something real (Joe Flacco and the Bengals). And some teams are just full-on vibing (Jaxson Dart and the Giants).
We’ll go through the 32 franchises, from most to least committed, starting with …
Wood
Kansas City Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes
The Chiefs don’t need to catch the bouquet to know more Super Bowl rings are in their future. It is not hard to see: Patrick Mahomes is Kansas City’s redwood tree, a forever staple, and every other quarterback comparatively feels like a Japanese maple.
Marriages Going Through a Rough Patch
Buffalo Bills and Josh Allen
Baltimore Ravens and Lamar Jackson
The Bills and Josh Allen are hurting emotionally, and also physically. Buffalo is 4-2 and has struggled with over a dozen guys injured at various points this season. It isn’t so fun to look at the AFC East standings and see New England and Drake Maye above you. But Josh and Buffalo are still a dream couple—especially since Josh is a certified Wife Guy.
Baltimore and Lamar Jackson are hurting even worse than Buffalo. The Ravens have lost nearly a dozen defenders to injuries over the last six weeks as they have limped into their bye at 1-5—and Lamar has also missed two games with a pulled hamstring. There is no long-term concern with Lamar’s leg, or his place in Baltimore’s heart. But in the short term, Baltimore still has the gift (and burden) of hope, with a chance for a 6-0 divisional run still on the table, plus a slew of lesser quarterbacks on the docket. The next six weeks will be a truer test of where this relationship stands than the previous six.
The Sex Is on Fire
New England Patriots and Drake Maye
Washington Commanders and Jayden Daniels
Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Baker Mayfield
Los Angeles Chargers and Justin Herbert
Dallas Cowboys and Dak Prescott
Maye is “aw shucks” in the streets and “oh shit” in the sheets. He maneuvers the pocket like a Josh Allen impersonator and slings the ball like Justin Herbert. Unlike those two, though, Maye is still with his middle school sweetheart, not a Hollywood star.
Maye currently ranks in the NFL’s top 10 in adjusted net yards per attempt, top five in EPA per dropback, top three in EPA per attempt, and no. 1 in success rate. I know those aren’t very sexy stats, but here is how Patriots fans feel about them:
Washington’s fear about Jayden Daniels is that this relationship could turn out like the last time they took a Heisman-winning QB with the no. 2 pick. Like Daniels, Robert Griffin III was an immediate sensation in his first season: He won Offensive Rookie of the Year and led the team to a playoff berth. But their coupling ended on a sour note—injuries, emotions, and the Dan Snyder of it all led to a disappointing second season, and, ultimately, a divorce. Now—knock on wood, as the Chiefs would say—Washington is trying not to let those past experiences prevent them from being present and loving in this relationship. But it is in the back of their mind—and is quickly moving to the front given Daniels’s recent hamstring injury.
The Buccaneers and Baker Mayfield are having the time of their lives. Even when Tampa Bay had Tom Brady, they had no idea life could be this fun. Baker is spontaneous. You never know what will come over him in a given moment—only that he is going to deliver. He always reciprocates when the other team scores. The way other guys think they are going to perform in their head is how Baker performs IRL. Tampa Bay has no idea how Carolina and Cleveland didn’t lock this guy down, but thank God they didn’t—because he isn’t going anywhere.
It is unclear who loves Justin Herbert more: Jim Harbaugh or Madison Beer. On one hand, Herbert’s girlfriend cares about him beyond his professional workplace. On the other, Harbaugh might actually spend every second of the rest of his living days thinking about Herbert. "If you don't like—you don't love—Justin Herbert, there's something wrong with you,” Harbaugh said last year. The coach wakes up in a cold sweat thinking about getting Herbert into the Hall of Fame. As of press time, we could not confirm whether Herbert and Beer have dropped the L-bomb with one another, but we know Harbaugh and Herbert do all the time.
In previous seasons, the knock on Herbert was that he was too robotic. He could execute the called play like a supercomputer, but he wasn’t creative enough when he needed to go off script. This year, Herbert leads all QBs in EPA per scramble—and he’s had highlight-reel plays, like when he brushed off Dolphins defenders with the game on the line, or slid for a first down (and into our hearts) in Brazil to beat Kansas City. Maybe this new lease on life stems from his having a second season in offensive coordinator Greg Roman’s system, combined with being fully healthy after years of nagging injuries. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s reunited with Keenan Allen and that Quentin Johnston has emerged as a solid option. Or maybe his coach being certifiably obsessed with him has made Herbert realize he is incredibly tall and handsome and rich and talented and young in Los Angeles. Whatever the reason, Herbert is playing with rizz.
Dak and Dallas had an awkward summer when the Cowboys traded Micah Parsons to Green Bay. But now they’re as good as ever: Dak might be playing the best football of his career. Still, though, it’s always difficult when you are arguing with the old man over curtains.
Too Much PDA
New York Giants and Jaxson Dart
Brian Daboll and Jaxson Dart are that couple that is way too comfortable with PDA. They’re sitting on the same side of the booth at the restaurant. They’re making out in the back of the Uber. They eye-fuck across the party. But you know underneath all that carnal desire there just might be actual love blooming. You can’t fake the kind of devotion Daboll showed Dart after the rookie got his first career win (and New York’s first win of the season) versus the Chargers.
And the relationship isn’t just hot and heavy. Real love proves itself in sickness and in health. Get you someone who will barge into the blue tent for you, fines be damned.
Flawed but Loving Marriages
Detroit Lions and Jared Goff
Houston Texans and C.J. Stroud
The Lions and Goff have been a revelation. They found each other later in life and realized they could both start anew. For so long, Goff was just trying to make his ex—Sean McVay—look silly for dumping him. But at this point, it’s clear Detroit has become home. Just a couple of weeks ago, Goff played his 76th game for the Lions (including playoffs), which is more than he ever played for the Rams. Funny how time flies. Things seem to have worked out how they were meant to.
The Texans love Stroud, but as soon as the QB got into the NFL, he started giving advice to passers. Who can forget Stroud trying to impart some wisdom on Caleb Williams, who is 46 days younger than him?
Relatedly, Stroud’s record as a starter was 11-6 with five interceptions before that moment, and 10-11 with 16 interceptions ever since. The lesson? Don’t give relationship advice to your peers the moment you become part of a couple, especially when they didn’t even ask for it.
No. 1 Picks in Unfulfilling Unions
Arizona Cardinals and Kyler Murray
Jacksonville Jaguars and Trevor Lawrence
Arizona and Kyler Murray have had a strange relationship. The Cardinals took Murray with the no. 1 pick in the 2019 draft, effectively ending things with their old man, Josh Rosen, whom they’d just started dating a year earlier. Things were exciting with Murray for a while, but unfortunately, his talent hasn’t been enough to bring the team success—or happiness. Going back to Week 8 of the 2021 season, Murray’s record as a starter is 18-29. He plays so many video games that the Cardinals tried to add a clause for quality time (film study) to their prenup. (They eventually removed it, but it is incredible that it was ever put in writing in the first place.) At 28, Murray has already had physical struggles—he tore his ACL in 2022 and said this July that his knee was “as close as it’s going to get” to a full recovery.
Now, with Kyler having missed some time this season with a foot injury, the Cardinals are remembering how nice it is to have a man (Jacoby Brissett) show them the town, recording stat lines like 320 passing yards and two touchdowns—something Kyler hasn’t done in three years. (Incredible how a man 6 inches taller who can play under center and see the middle of the field can open up a new perspective on life.) Arizona remains committed to Kyler, but where is this relationship going?
The Jaguars came into this season fearing they were in a similar place to the Cardinals, having locked down a no. 1 QB who has obvious talent but also doubts surrounding whether he could truly deliver them a Super Bowl. But Lawrence has looked better with new coach Liam Coen, even if he’s still prone to occasional gaffes like forgetting to get a dog sitter, or tripping at the goal line with the game on the line versus the Chiefs. But the new Lawrence picks himself up, dusts himself off, and jogs in for the score anyway. Lawrence is tall, he’s got arm talent, and if he ever gets a haircut, watch out.
Fighting in Public
Philadelphia Eagles and Jalen Hurts
The Eagles and Jalen Hurts are that couple that’s always bickering, even if you know deep down they love each other. Wide receiver A.J. Brown is having an existential crisis that he isn’t getting the football. Right tackle Lane Johnson says the offense is predictable. The city of Philadelphia seems ready to turn on offensive coordinator Kevin Patullo. And Hurts is now in the strange position of being a man who won the Super Bowl earlier this year, but who also seemed incapable of getting the ball to the NFL’s second-best wide receiver duo in Brown and DeVonta Smith. Of course, Hurts responded by getting both deep touchdowns on Sunday. But this Eagles marriage is dysfunction at its finest. Philadelphia is a madhouse. And yet somehow, Hurts has the perfect, stoic disposition to withstand the chaos. This man was made to be in this city.
No. 1 Picks Waiting for a Ring
Chicago Bears and Caleb Williams
Carolina Panthers and Bryce Young
Tennessee Titans and Cam Ward
The Bears and Caleb Williams have been on a wild ride since Chicago took him with the no. 1 pick of the 2024 draft. At first it felt like Chicago stole Carolina’s man, as they used the Panthers’ draft pick to select Williams. But not long into the 2024 season, it seemed maybe the Bears had ended up with the wrong guy, and the guy who went no. 2 in the draft was a better player—just like what happened to Carolina when they took Bryce Young over C.J. Stroud. (Karma’s a bitch.) But Williams has looked better this year under new head coach Ben Johnson. He even managed to beat Daniels in a game in Williams’s hometown, Washington, D.C. It hasn’t exactly been sexy for this pairing so far, but personal growth rarely is.
The Panthers, meanwhile, regretted their choice of Bryce Young almost instantly. They reconfigured their entire lives to try to make the Young relationship work, even shelling out $70 million in guarantees for guards Damien Lewis and Robert Hunt because Bryce wasn’t tall enough to see over interior pressure. Young lost his confidence when the Panthers dumped him last year for Andy Dalton, but a Dalton car accident sprung Young back into the limelight—and now he seems borderline rejuvenated. He would not be the man of 30ish other teams’ dreams. But for the Panthers, he will do.
Cam Ward’s relationship with the Titans is new, but it’s already turbulent. Head coach Brian Callahan was fired six weeks into the season (his dad was fired too) and former Titans coach Mike Vrabel throttled Tennessee on Sunday with his new/old team, the New England Patriots. Ward has just four touchdown passes in seven weeks—concerning for the guy who had the most TD passes in the history of college football. You get the feeling the Titans might not be ready for a relationship.
Old Souls
Atlanta Falcons and Michael Penix (and Kirk Cousins)
Everyone knows (or knew) one 20-something who acts like they’re middle-aged. They get ready for bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night while everyone else is just getting ready to head out. They hit the farmers market at 7 a.m. to beat the crowds. They collect vinyl records. This person is an old soul, who seemingly came out of the womb acting like they were in their 40s.
For Atlanta, that is Michael Penix Jr. He’s 25 years old going on 45. And his knees are 65. Penix found out he was the starter last year while he was at Costco (only responsible 20-somethings shop at Costco). Penix isn’t running around and scrambling like the other people his age, but that is OK. Atlanta understands youth is wasted on the young. Penix will age like fine wine (well, except for his knees).
A Former One Night Stand That Has Real Chemistry
Seattle Seahawks and Sam Darnold
Indianapolis Colts and Daniel Jones
The entirety of Seattle was scandalized when the Seahawks sent Geno Smith to their former muse, Pete Carroll, and instead shacked up with Sam Darnold. There seemed to be a unified reaction to the news: him? Well, it turns out him might be Him. Seven weeks into the season, Slammin’ Sammy is seventh in the NFL in passing yards and the 5-2 Seahawks would be 7-0 if the defense had held off a couple fourth-quarter comebacks by the 49ers and Bucs. Darnold may have been deemed to have “bad face” in college and got mono with the Jets, but he has matured into something few thought possible midway through his professional tenure: a trustworthy, reliable, and kind of hot starting QB.
The Colts thought that Daniel Jones was just some random guy they could plausibly pretend to be interested in so they could make Anthony Richardson jealous. To everyone’s shock, Jones has been the best guy they’ve been with since Andrew Luck. Indianapolis leads the NFL in points and first downs. In fact, they have the third most points per drive through seven weeks … ever. After just the 2007 Patriots and the Rams’ Greatest Show on Turf. Jones has been more than a game manager; he has actually been making smart, difficult throws into tight windows. The offense is balanced—Indy is sixth in passing first downs and second in rushing first downs. Meanwhile, Richardson broke his face doing bandwork before a game—which, if that happened in a rom-com, would be cut for being too implausible. At this rate, this unlikely duo might actually end up together. Just no bandwork for Jones.
All is Well If You Believe Instagram
Green Bay Packers and Jordan Love
Denver Broncos and Bo Nix
The Packers and Jordan Love are the couple who everyone just assumes is doing great and kind of forgets about. But when you’re with them at dinner, or watching them lose to the Cleveland Browns or nearly lose to the Jacoby Brissett–led Cardinals, you realize these two don’t have their shit together nearly as much as you’d think. The way Packers coach Matt LaFleur runs the ball, you almost have to wonder whether he doesn’t fully trust his Love.
Sean Payton proclaims his love for Bo Nix to anyone who will listen. But you have to wonder whether, behind closed doors, Payton ever gets upset when Nix can’t meet his exacting standards. Nix doesn’t have a stunning physique—but Payton really just wants someone who, when asked to jump, will say “how high?” That’s Bo.
The Fall I Turned Pretty
San Francisco 49ers and Brock Purdy (and Mac Jones)
Before the 2021 NFL draft, Kyle Shanahan dreamed of this guy: Conrad, or, uh, Mac Jones. Shanahan was enamored, but fate intervened, and he ended up with someone he didn’t really have any chemistry with—Trey Lance (the Cam Cameron of this analogy). Eventually, Kyle found himself in a committed relationship with Jeremiah—or, uh, Brock Purdy—and the two have decided to spend their lives together. They even got engaged over the summer to the tune of a five-year, $265 million contract. But, as fate would have it, Purdy got hurt, and Kyle reconnected with, of all people, Jones. Now fans are wondering—will Kyle fall back in love with the guy he wanted from the beginning? That would be devastating for all parties involved—but everyone can sense there is some sort of sick, twisted love triangle here. Who does Kyle really want to be with? Can all three continue to coexist in the same place at the same time?
Golden Bachelor
Los Angeles Rams and Matthew Stafford
Pittsburgh Steelers and Aaron Rodgers
The Rams and Matthew Stafford have been a late-in-life dream couple—though they had drama this offseason, to the point that they seriously considered parting ways. Stafford wanted the Rams to make a long-term commitment. But at Stafford’s advanced age, the Rams wanted to take things a year at a time. The fight got bad enough that the Rams dared Stafford to move to New York, Pittsburgh, or Las Vegas. But Matt called their bluff and they folded, agreeing to move back in together.
Impressively, both seem to have put this discord behind them, as Stafford leads the NFL in touchdown passes (17). Not bad for a guy who needed his own recovery trailer for his back in August. Sometimes the couple nobody believes in is the one who goes together the best.
Rodgers, meanwhile, has been known to be a love bomber. He’s full of platitudes and getting you to go “all in” in the offseason, only to quickly make you doubt everything. But, to everyone’s surprise, Rodgers and the Steelers seem great for each other. Rodgers *does* look younger than he ever did on the Jets post-Achilles tear. He is getting along with Arthur Smith, and the Steelers have created a schematic blend of what Rodgers likes doing and Smith’s ground-n-pound identity. This is the kind of resurgence that reminds you why we’ve put up with Aaron for so long.
When Are We Gonna Meet Him?
Minnesota Vikings and J.J. McCarthy
The Vikings claim that they drafted their quarterback of their future last year. It’s odd, though, because nobody can remember meeting him. We’ve seen Caleb Williams and Jayden Daniels and Drake Maye and Michael Penix Jr. and Bo Nix and even Spencer Rattler from that draft play in plenty of games, and even find some level of success. But we’ve had limited signs of McCarthy. The Vikings are always making strange excuses for why he isn’t around. They claim he missed his rookie season with a meniscus injury. They say he won a national championship with Michigan in college, but nobody remembers that team throwing any passes. Some people say they saw McCarthy play in back-to-back prime-time games in Weeks 1 and 2 this year, but the memory is fuzzy. We’ve waited weeks for McCarthy to “return” from an ankle injury, but the Vikings keep rolling with Carson Wentz. Is Minnesota being catfished? Are they making him up? Are they hallucinating him? Or is he just really shy? Nobody is sure.
Causing a Scene
Miami Dolphins and Tua Tagovailoa
Tua Tagovailoa made a mistake last week and called out Dolphins players in public, inviting scorn onto his house and creating chaos within. While attempting to talk about leadership in a press conference, Tua created a crisis of it: He discussed players being late or not showing up to team meetings. Shockingly, his teammates were furious about him airing their private issues in public. Tua says he has since learned to keep these things within the family—but how did you not know that already? And how did you think it was a good time to mention other people’s issues after you yourself threw three interceptions in a game? Tua is like so many men that try to pick an argument without realizing how quickly they’re going to lose it, then regret saying anything at all.
Rekindled Love That Isn’t the Same as Before
Las Vegas Raiders and Geno Smith
Geno Smith and Pete Carroll first fell in love in Seattle. When Carroll dumped Russell Wilson, Smith earned a place in his heart as the starter. Then when Pete got fired, Geno was there in the front row at his press conference. And when Pete got another job with the Raiders, he went ahead and traded a third-rounder to get his man. But while they have reconnected, the love in Las Vegas doesn’t feel the same as when they were sleepless in Seattle. Geno has already thrown 10 interceptions in his first seven games. He’s having his worst season as a starter since he was on the Jets (and we don’t talk about his younger days). Sure, the Raiders have some talent deficiencies on the offensive line, and tight end Brock Bowers has been hurt, and Chip Kelly is struggling without an Ohio State offense that’s full of players who are way better than everyone else. But at the core, we know that Pete and Geno’s best days might just be behind them.
The Bad Boy Who Has Calmed Down
New Orleans Saints and Spencer Rattler
In his younger days, Spencer Rattler was a classic hothead. Being the no. 1 high school prospect in the nation clearly went to his head, and Rattler was caught on video acting like a prototypical movie jock villain, calling out teammates for their failings and being comically mean—basically if Season 1 Jamie Tartt from Ted Lasso was an Arizona high school football legend.
But like Jamie, Rattler seems to have been appropriately humbled and he’s acting … different now. He’s team oriented. His play style, long defined by ridiculous arm talent, is now much more centered around being mistake free. What happened? It is not clear. Maybe he got a little green soldier from Jason Sudeikis. Regardless, Rattler is doing a great job making the extra pass.
It’s Not Me, It’s You
New York Jets and Justin Fields (and Tyrod Taylor)
Jets head coach Aaron Glenn thought Justin Fields seemed like a great guy. He knew him from the NFC North, had coached against him, and thought he was the total package. Tall, built, fast, strong—the whole deal. So Glenn decided to set the Jets up with Fields on a blind date. Seemed like a great idea at first when the Jets managed 30-plus points on the Steelers defense in Week 1. Since then, though, it has become clear this is a disaster. While some garbage-time drives have hidden it, the stats don’t lie. From Week 2 on, if you strip out the fourth quarter, here are some categories the Jets offense ranks last in:
- Points
- Points per drive
- Touchdowns
- Yards per game
- Yards per play
- Red zone drives
- Red zone efficiency
- EPA per play
- First downs
- First downs per game
- Rate of plays that gained 10-plus yards
- Net yards per pass attempt
It took seven weeks, but eventually Glenn pulled the plug and went with Tyrod Taylor in the third quarter. Glenn won’t name a starter for Week 8, but this is bad enough to justify a ghosting.
Cuck Corner
Cincinnati Bengals and Cleveland Browns and Joe Flacco
The Bengals and Browns found themselves in an unexpected situation earlier this month, the kind where adults participate in things they hadn’t imagined they would enjoy. Both teams were desperate. The Bengals needed something, anything, after Joe Burrow went down with an injury and Jake Browning simply couldn’t score enough. The Browns, who are somehow paying eight quarterbacks on their cap this year, had benched Joe Flacco for rookie Dillon Gabriel. And so the two teams did the unthinkable: They made the first trade between the franchises this century, breaking the forbidden incestuous seal of an intra-division deal.
Not only did these teams do this, but they did it for a quarterback. The Browns swapped Flacco to the Bengals, and pulled up a chair in the corner for Thursday Night Football as Flacco scored for the Bengals over and over and over again, winning 33-31. It’s hard to imagine how the Browns could derive pleasure from watching that. We aren’t here to judge, but Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin did not hide his horror at the Browns allowing Flacco to join the Bengals.
"To be honest, it was shocking to me," Tomlin said last week. "[Browns GM] Andrew Berry must be a lot smarter than me, or us, because it doesn't make sense to me to trade a quarterback that you think enough of to make your opening-day starter to a division opponent that's hurting in that area. But that's just my personal feeling."
You can hear it in Tomlin’s voice. He thinks Berry is sick. Meanwhile, Flacco and the Bengals probably enjoyed it even more knowing the Browns were watching.
