Cavs guard Jordan Clarkson is at the center of two new, rather inconceivable conspiracy theories introduced to the world on Monday.
The first came from Clarkson, who floated the idea that dinosaurs not only roamed the earth at the same time as human beings, but that humans were three times the size of dinosaurs and kept them as pets. Clarkson shared the bold (?) dinosaur take on the Road Trippin’ podcast. Here’s the exchange:
Clarkson: “Y’all know how we got dogs and stuff right? So, I think it was bigger people in the world before us, and the dinosaurs was they pets.”
DJ Montage (cohost): “How big were these people?”
Clarkson: “Oh, you look at a dinosaur. They got to be three times bigger than them.”
This is quite a theory, one that lends itself to a wonderful one-liner about Clarkson’s ability to create on the floor and in history. To his credit, there is a surprisingly long list of outlandish dinosaur hypotheses, including ones that suggest their extinction may have been caused by overactive glands, caterpillars, cataracts, or farting themselves to death.
The belief that they were our proverbial furry friends and that humans were once three times their size, is completely, um, original. (Is this the time to bring back Large Adult Sons?) But there’s a chance he was joking, since no 138-foot pet owner bones have ever been dug up, and also because Clarkson HAS A DEGREE FROM MISSOURI IN ARTS & SCIENCE.
The second theory is about Clarkson, who starred in a Heineken commercial, seemingly for the Philippines market, that described the Cavs guard as a “basketball superstar.”
The commercial actually isn’t bad, though Steph Curry set the bar pretty low for endorsement spots when he starred in ads for Brita. Maybe Clarkson, a reserve guard the past four seasons, approved the usage of “superstar,” a term usually reserved for an exclusive club that not even the likes of John Wall or Damian Lillard are put in half the time. (They are.)
Make no mistake: I’m rooting for Clarkson, who had a tough go of it with the guard influx in Los Angeles and is proving his value with the Cavaliers. A little non-in-game publicity never hurt anyone. Right, Kyrie?
You can take the conspiracy theorist guard out of Cleveland, but you can’t keep Cleveland from adding a new one.