In September, Entertainment Weekly ran a Jude Law Hotness Ranking, which somehow saw Law’s impending Young Dumbledore take last place behind characters including Gigolo Joe and Pope Pius XIII. The logic? “Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore has more layers to him than Bertie Botts has bean flavors. He’s brilliant, with blind spots. He’s powerful, with weak spots. ... He is not, however, hot. Sorry.”
I would like to strongly but respectfully disagree, for many reasons—the first being that even old Dumbledore is hot (it’s the BDE factor!). But that’s an argument for another day. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald hits theaters this weekend, and Law’s performance as everyone’s favorite headmaster-to-be is the highlight by far. Also … just look at him. My brain is unable to process the assertion that someone could see this image and think … nah!
Dumbledore is a legendary wizard. Dumbledore is an icon. Dumbledore is hot.
I personally think that the above photo is the only evidence needed to support my claim, but in the interest of serious journalism (and now that I’ve seen the far-too-short entirety of Dumbledore’s actual Crimes of Grindelwald screen time), let’s lay out the vast, absurdly attractive evidence.
The Beard
Bigger is not always better, and in this case, I’m extremely thankful that the Crimes of Grindelwald team didn’t just slap a giant fake beard on our man here and call it a day. Law does have a fake beard in the last scene of the movie and in various promotional images, which is offensive to both his face and our eyes, but which makes us appreciate the real thing, as seen above, even more.
Jude Law is rarely bearded in his movies, which I assume has to do with filmmakers not wanting to hide his objectively perfect face. I get it! But—and this is going to sound like a neg, so apologies to Jude—my guy is sacrificing hair from his head every day, and it stands to reason that he should make up for it elsewhere. His Dumbledaddy beard looks fucking great, and he’d do well to commit to it—both in future films, and in his everyday life.
The Fits
Albus has always been a snazzy dresser, but his style in the original books and movies leaned more toward eccentric robes than three-piece suits and porkpie hats. So when he first appeared in trailers for Crimes of Grindelwald looking like a tweeded, bow-tied snack, reactions ranged from annoyed (“Why is he dressed like a Muggle?”) to, uh, instant, lingering analysis of certain shots.
Not only does Dumbledore “got style,” but Dumbledore is straight-up jacked. Robes would do us a disservice here—as long as Jude Law plays Dumbledore, keep this man in stupid-tight waistcoats. Thank you.
The Swagger
There’s a moment in Crimes of Grindelwald in which Dumbledore does not say a word, yet it’s immediately better and more badass than any movie representation of Dumbledore before. He’s confronted in his classroom by a pack of very rude Aurors and Ministry officials, one of whom orders his students to leave the room. Not a single student moves—they all just look to Dumbledore, who sticks his hands in his pockets and gives this cheeky fucking smile.
The head of magical law enforcement guy’s brain basically explodes, which I would have been able to enjoy even more if my brain had not undergone a similar reaction in that moment, for an entirely different reason.
Dumbledore is a badass, and Dumbledore is hot. Crimes of Grindelwald may not get much right, but at least it damn well knows that much. If the Fantastic Beasts franchise can get back on track, it will be at least in part because the right man is carrying the franchise on his surprisingly broad shoulders.
