The full trailer for Ocean’s 8—a.k.a. the Avengers: Infinity War for people who want to see Mindy Kaling, Cate Blanchett, Rihanna, and other A-list female celebrities exchange one-liners and plan elaborate heists—dropped on Thursday, and it looks pretty lit.
And I do mean looks, because the thieves—led by Sandra Bullock’s Debbie Ocean, sister of George Clooney’s Danny from the Ocean’s trilogy—are planning to stage a heist at the Met Gala. It’s already been confirmed that celebs such as Anna Wintour, Kim Kardashian West, Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, and Zayn Malik will cameo. Again, it’s lit.
So lit, in fact, that it’s easier to encapsulate what makes this movie so exciting with cold, hard numbers, rather than words. Here’s a by-the-numbers look at the Ocean’s 8 trailer, and make sure you haul your butt to the nearest theater come June 8.
16.5: The amount of money (in millions of dollars) each thief aims to get from the heist. The plan hinges on stealing an enormous diamond necklace from Anne Hathaway’s character, Daphne Kluger, at the gala.
Two: This is the number of very sensual moans that Kluger makes with regard to her necklace.
Eight: The number of stunning Met Gala dresses we are blessed with. Look at Rihanna—breakout queen of [squints] Battleship and Bates Motel—in this red dress, and tell me you’re not impressed.
Three: The number of jackets that the thieves definitely couldn’t afford before pulling off their heist. (No offense, Cate Blanchett, but you look like you went hunting in the Serengeti.)
Five years, eight months, and 12 days: The time it took for Debbie Ocean to plan this heist, which would make it really awkward if the whole thing were to blow up in her face.
Zero: The number of Ocean’s 8 scenes we need from James Corden, the guy who turned celebrities awkwardly singing in cars into a content mill, and generally isn’t very funny. Unfortunately, based on the two trailers released thus far, he has at least two. Was Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson not available for a side gig?
Two: The number of shots focusing on Cate Blanchett and Sandra Bullock’s heist-planning brunch. I don’t mean to judge the masters of the craft, but a crowded New York City brunch spot seems like a bad place to talk about a multimillion-dollar jewelry heist.
One: The number of times the Ocean’s 8 crew definitely wasn’t riding the MTA.
I don’t see a single non-thief commuter on the train, so unless they’re taking the express from Woodlawn at like 5 a.m., this is impossible. Where’s the one sad New Yorker in a suit, barely staying awake? Where’s the lady just minding her own business, probably listening to a podcast? Where’s the performer inexplicably pulling out speakers and doing hat tricks?
I hope the movie makes urban commuting somewhat realistic—give their train a 10-minute delay and have Helena Bonham Carter groan, “Cuomo’s MTA.”
57: The number of days until Ocean’s 8 comes out. Unfortunately.
