Let me say first that I enjoy LaVar Ball like I enjoy the old head who still brings up KRS-One in barbershop top-five-greatest-rappers discussions and claims to have once turned down Halle Berry. To not only say you would beat Prime Michael Jordan one-on-one, but that you would do so by baiting him into fouls and burying him in hook shots is both admirable and inspirational. I further enjoy that he’s trying to build his son Lonzo’s legend before the (LaVar-designated) future Laker so much as sets foot in an NBA gym, and that he’s supportive to an irrational degree: If Nike gave LeBron a billion, why shouldn’t Lonzo get the same? (There are, like, a hojillion reasons, but we’re not living in reasonable times.) Why not aim for a $200 price tag on Lonzo’s signature shoe? It’s exorbitantly expensive to start a shoe brand, so why not recoup some of the cost in the initial offering from Big Baller Brand, which will probably never have more visibility than it does now?
But nearly $1,000? Lol. LOL. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO. Absolutely not.
The ZO2, Lonzo Ball’s signature sneaker, was unveiled Thursday with an accompanying Slam Magazine–exclusive vignette — of news clippings, slow-motion dribbling, and a sweet one-handed pass by a pint-size Lonzo — framing the star NBA draft prospect’s rise to … the middle? The shoe is something of a Walgreens version of the Kobe A.D., the latter of which you can buy right now, today, on sale, for almost a quarter of the price. ZO2 pricing starts — starts — at $495 a pair, with a $200 bump for people sizes 14 and up. It’s also worth noting that we’re strictly talking pre-orders, meaning that after ponying up for these, they won’t actually show up until November or December. Also, no returns. This is what they look like:
For $495, they better come with Lonzo’s shooting range, too. You can literally have a cow for that much.