Following Game 2 of the Spurs-Grizzlies series — a 96–82 San Antonio win — Memphis coach David Fizdale angrily ran through several stats at his postgame press conference. Mostly, the numbers were related to the fouls that were called (or not called) during the game, and mostly he was very upset about them. (The gist of his complaints was that Kawhi Leonard somehow shot more free throws than the entire Grizzlies team combined for the night.)
He raised his voice and grew more and more agitated as his words sprinted out of his mouth, essentially daring the NBA to discipline him. It was a silly thing to do, sure, because of course he’s going to get fined, but it was also a crucial and necessary thing to do because his team — now down 2–0 and headed home to Memphis — needed a boost. So I imagine Game 3 is going to go much differently for the Grizzlies.
That’s not what’s important right now, though. What’s important right now is that, to put an exclamation on the end of his statements, Fizdale fired up his fury as far as his body would allow him to before — and this was honestly incredible — he capped off a few sentences about how he was not going to allow his team to be disrespected by the referees or anyone else by spitefully proclaiming, “Take that for data!” To maximize the drama, he slammed a pen down on the table as he said the word “data” and then immediately got up and left without saying anything else.
The phrase “Take that for data!” is wonderful, and the only thing I want to do now is imagine ending different conversations with that same line.
- After you order your food at a drive-thru.
- After you finish having sex.
- After you score on someone during a game of pickup basketball.
- When you’re bragging to your friends about literally anything.
- When you’re an optometrist and you give an exam and the person asks what the results are and you say, “You’re blind as hell, bro.”
- When you’re explaining to your kid that you forgot to pick her up after school because you were playing Overwatch.
- When you’re a doctor and you’ve just told someone how long they have left to live.
- After you call your sister to tell her that her dog passed. (You have to say it sadly here.)
- When you’re at the Apple Genius Bar getting your laptop fixed and they ask you for your password and you have to tell them what it is and it’s something really stupid like “LoveSoGood69!” or “I_D0nt_Tru5t_M3xicans.” (You have to say it sheepishly here.)
- In a movie theater after a movie ends. (You have to shout it loudly here.)
- When you tell your husband that you’re pregnant.
- When you tell your husband that you’re pregnant and it’s not his.
- When you finish saying your wedding vows.
- When you finish complaining to the manager of a restaurant.
- After you tell someone you voted for Trump.
- After you score a touchdown in the Super Bowl.
- When you reveal to your kids that Santa isn’t real.
- When you’re at a parent-teacher conference and they ask you why your kid is misbehaving so much.
- When you’re a rogue cop in an ’80s movie and you’ve just killed an evil accountant.
- After you’ve just turned down a marriage proposal.
- When it’s the third date and everything has gone really well and you have to tell the person you’re with that you have an STD.
- When you accidentally sneeze on someone on an airplane.
- When you’re a judge and you’re ready to deliver your sentence.
- When you misplace your phone, so you ask your buddy to call you so you can find it and he does and it starts ringing and the ringer is “My Neck, My Back” by Khia.
- When you’re a babysitter and you tell the parents that you “haven’t seen one of the twins in, like, two hours.”
I’m missing one here: When you’re Adam Silver and you’ve just fined David Fizdale $35,000 for criticizing game officials. Take that for data.