Five Other Nontraditional Stats Russell Westbrook Leads the NBA In

The Super Bowl reinforced two beliefs. One, never count out Touchdown Tom. Two, athlete commercials are almost always bad — even Touchdown Tom’s. But those weekend spots gave us yet another reason to love and cherish Russell Westbrook, who today dropped a new Foot Locker ad that met every guideline we, as a society, should require out of an athlete commercial:

1. Funny (check)

2. Famous athlete surprise entrance (Bill Russell: check)

3. No Papa John (check)

In the video, Westbrook breezes over his triple-double averages by rattling off the less-conventional numbers he’s racked up this season, like crashing into 1.7 cameramen per night, creating twice as much parental neglect as any other player, and leading the league in minutes talking to himself intensely. Not only are these believable, but The Ringer checked the math and can confirm that they are accurate. We even found five other stats that Russ didn’t mention in his commercial:

• Leading the league in one-word answers to the media

• 2.8 middle fingers from Philly fans per 100 possessions

• Most efficient pregame dance

• Most risky outfits worn

• Best NBA dog (technically a tie with every other NBA dog because all dogs are good — see: John Wall’s dogs)