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Behold, Facebook’s Encryption Bird

This is a weird sales pitch

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I know Monday has a reputation as the gloomiest day, but Wednesday is the real downer champ this week. Everything you failed to achieve or screwed up during the first two days is looming over your head but the weekend is so far away — plus, I read a story on athletes plummeting to their deaths and I’ve been sad about it all day. Don’t go BASE jumping!

Anyways, on this foul, wretched Wednesday, here is one goofy thing:

Yes, it’s a Facebook product announcement, and “secret conversations” with “extra security” is a strange way to describe encryption, but LOOK AT THE BIRD:

Why is the whisper bird wearing aviators and a bow tie? Why would a bird need sunglasses when it is used to living its life outdoors? What event could he possibly be attending in that outfit? Is the porkpie hat supposed to be a detective’s cap?

Is whisper bird a cop?

Why is the whisper bird shushing us? Shouldn’t it be doing a hand signal like an OK sign or a thumbs up, since the whole point of “secret conversations” is that you can talk candidly without fear of surveillance?

How come the whisper bird has one human-style hand and one wing with no hand??????

This unintentionally sleazy and slightly menacing little pink mascot’s creator remains an enigma — I asked Facebook if I could talk to the person who designed the whisper bird and no one has responded to me. Was that person instructed to take Ayahuasca while drawing this? We may never know.

Facebook once made a privacy dinosaur, so this is not the first time its graphic design theme has been “Very Drunk.” It better not be the last.