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Jeremy Renner Does Not Consume Enough Real Estate Media

Musto Design
Musto Design

Who is Jeremy Renner? Is he the Oscar-nominated brood in The Hurt Locker and The Town? Is he the barely-there bit player in The Avengers and The Avengers: Worse? Or is he the macho-weirdo celebrity who says things like, “Here are the condoms,” in Playboy Interview: Jeremy Renner?

In real life, given these options, we’re often forced to choose between them. But on Twitter? We can be — and see in others — everything, all at once. We can follow anyone we want to on Twitter. But those follows, no matter who they are, will always reflect out the truth: that in the end, we are really only following ourselves.

Here’s Jeremy Renner:

Jeremy Renner’s first Twitter follow was Tom Cruise.

The first follow is so important. Launching his Twitter account with a Cruise follow was an incredibly strong move from Renner — not for its unexpectedness, really, so much as for its vastness of scope. Consider that Renner -> Cruise is a rare septuple-threat follow: a status follow; a hate follow; a work-obligation follow; a celebrity follow; a statement follow; a performed friendship follow; and, of course, a follow. Renner -> Cruise is Jeremy Renner saying to the world, “Am I a movie star? No, I’m not — but I’m OK with that now. I’m an actor. I act. I’m a performer. I perform. And Twitter will be my greatest performance yet.”

Jeremy Renner follows almost 50 musical artists.

Forty-four, to be exact. (43 if you don’t count Anna Kendrick, in which case fall back because “Cups” is eternal.) That’s over 10 percent of Jeremy Renner’s total Twitter follows.

Here is Jeremy Renner’s favorite song by every musician or band he follows on Twitter:

Bon Jovi (“Wanted Dead or Alive”), Kings of Leon (“Use Somebody”), Lady Gaga (“Applause”), Isaac Hayes (“Theme From Shaft”), Adele (“Hello”), Hilary Duff (“Come Clean”), Fergie (“Clumsy”), Wolfmother (“Woman”), Chris Cornell (“Sweet Revenge”), Jem (“Just a Ride”), Mumford & Sons (“The Wolf”), Lenny Kravitz (“Dig In”), Alicia Keys (“Fallin’”), Sia (“Breathe Me”), Ariana Grande (“Dangerous Woman”), Lorde (“Buzzcut Season”), Lana Del Rey (“Sad Girl”), Iggy Azalea (“Black Widow”), Sam Smith (“Stay With Me”), Ed Sheeran (“Shirtsleeves”), One Republic (“Secrets”), Coldplay (“Violet Hill”), Maroon 5 (“Harder to Breathe”), Common (“The Corner”), Rihanna (“Desperado”), Jennifer Lopez (“I Luh Ya Papi”), Katy Perry (“Firework”), Tori Kelly (“Dear No One”), Bruno Mars (“When I Was Your Man”), U2 (“Bad”), Wiz Khalifa (“See You Again”), Matt Bellamy (“Uprising”), Ludacris (“Move Bitch”), Christina Aguilera (“Beautiful”), Justin Timberlake (“Suit & Tie”), Pink (“Just Like a Pill”), Paul McCartney (“Live and Let Die”), Elton John (“Tiny Dancer”), Rita Ora (“Poison”), Anna Kendrick (“Cups”), Pharrell (“Lost Queen”), Gwen Stefani (“The Sweet Escape”), Demi Lovato (“Heart Attack”), Marilyn Manson (“Personal Jesus”)

Jeremy Renner needs to cut the Marvel-follow fat.

Jeremy Renner follows over 20 Marvel-related Twitter accounts, and I’m going to come right out and say it: It’s too much. That’s just … it’s too many!!! Kevin Feige? Look, obviously, I get that — follow the boss. Mark Ruffalo? For sure — climate change and Now You See Me 2’s upcoming Blu-ray release are no joke, and as a society we have to start paying attention. Marvel Entertainment? I mean, OK. Stan Lee? Ugh, OK. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Definitely makes sense to me but — wait, sorry, what? The modestly successful ABC prime-time television show Agents of S.H.I.E.LD.’s official Twitter account? Is that really necessary?

And you can see how this starts to get out of hand. One minute you’re just Jeremy Renner, messing around on Twitter, @-ing a few people, retweeting a few people, networking, ruminating, making friends for life … and the next minute you’re following fucking Marvel España, Marvel NL (Netherlands), AND Marvel UK & Ireland, separately — as in, those are three separate Twitter accounts, and you’re Jeremy Renner, and you’re following all three of them now. No.

Here’s what we’re going to do: Let’s pick one (one) European Marvel subsidiary to keep, and then we’ll unfollow the others just to see how it feels. Let’s unfollow the official Captain America account, because it’s humiliating. And then finally, finally, let’s unfollow Guardians of the Galaxy Official, James Gunn, Lee Pace, Zoe Saldana, and Chris Pratt. Because Jeremy, my dude: YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN THAT MOVIE.

We’re eight follows lighter now. That feels great.

Jeremy Renner follows in clusters.

There are very few things that the internet does better than tell a story — and nowhere is this strength more on display than in someone’s Twitter follows. New job? Bad breakup? Getting really into comedy and in a frankly annoying way, like, can we please just eat lunch in peace one time and not have to hear about which improv podcast is underrated? Scan through someone’s follow list with a keen eye and you can probably piece just about any story together.

But most of those stories are told via macro trends, accumulating (and disposing of) habits, and interests, and concerns over an extended period of time. What’s so beautiful about Jeremy Renner’s Twitter follows, though, are the way that they elevate their storytelling to an even higher — and more micro — plane: Jeremy Renner follows in clusters.

What does this mean? Well, let’s say someone follows Hugh Laurie. OK, that could mean any number of things. Maybe they loved House. Maybe they just finished The Night Manager. Maybe they’re really into bad music. Following Hugh Laurie, on its own, is telling; it’s just not conclusive.

But what if someone follows Hugh Laurie … and Russell Brand … and Stephen Fry — all in a cluster? Well that changes things. Now, you’re really onto something. Now you know that that person didn’t follow Hugh Laurie because of House, or The Night Manager, or bad music. Now you know that Jeremy Renner followed Hugh Laurie because he was sitting around one day, idling on the internet, doing nothing at all, and he thought to himself, “Man, I like British shit.”

This is the story of Jeremy Renner’s consecutive-follow clusters — and of what was on Jeremy Renner’s mind, to the best of our knowledge, as he completed them:

  • WSJ + CNN: News.
  • Paramount Pictures + Warner Brothers + Universal Pictures + MGM Studios + Sony Pictures + Dreamworks Pictures + 20th Century Fox: Movie studios.
  • Adam Scott + Rob Lowe: I am currently watching the acclaimed American television program Parks and Recreation.
  • The Academy + BAFTA: Film academies.
  • Shannon Elizabeth + Alyssa Milano: Brunette ’90s actresses.
  • Darren Aronofsky + Bryan Singer: Directors whose films independently argue that it would be worth putting time and space into a blender and pressing FRAPPE if it meant getting to fuck Hugh Jackman once.
  • Jimmy Fallon + Jimmy Kimmel: People named Jimmy who host late-night talk shows.
  • PBS NewsHour + Drew Barrymore + PBS: PBS.
  • Tracy Morgan + Rainn Wilson: I miss NBC’s late 2000s/early 2010s Thursday night lineup and am here on Twitter to recapture that lost feeling.
  • Chris Pratt + Chris Evans: Fuck it.
  • Rita Ora + Dalai Lama: People I’ve drunkenly called “iconic” before.
  • Levi’s + Ralph Lauren: Jeans.
  • Mark Wahlberg + Channing Tatum: Muscular actors who subvert my more traditional notions of masculinity with their stressed hair and shockingly tender core.
  • Jed York + Colin Kaepernick + 49ers + Michael Crabtree + Anquan Boldin + Vernon Davis + Patrick Willis: I’m a 49ers fan but I only pay attention when they’re winning.
  • Katherine Heigl + Lisa Kudrow: Misunderstood geniuses.
  • Crackle + Hulu + YouTube + Amazon Video + Netflix: I would like to know what today’s most popular streaming services and Crackle have to say, at all times.

Jeremy Renner follows ‘Architectural Digest’ — but no other home improvement accounts.

Twitter follows are a great way of finding out what people are interested in — and what they just say they are.