France and Germany will be meeting in a Euro 2016 semifinal match on Thursday, and given the respective might of the two sides, it’ll be difficult to shake the feeling that they’re meeting three days too early. France hasn’t faced a side as strong as Germany since the 2014 World Cup, when Les Bleus were sent packing by the eventual champs in the quarterfinals; suffice it to say, things should get testy. However, today the France Football Federation posted a day-in-the-life-of–Paul Pogba video to YouTube, presumably to let us all know that they’re not too worried about all that.
There is nothing about this video to not love, mostly because there’s a lot of Pogboom in it. Let us count the ways:
0:48 HE’S LISTENING TO FUTURE. I’m not saying that the French are as good as in the finals but I am thinking it very loudly. Also is “100it Racks” his favorite song on Project E.T.? I thought “Who” was better but that may have just been because Young Thug is on it. I’m so glad they made up.
1:35 You think you’re balling but you’re not “I have my likeness as a superhero screenprinted on my duvet” balling.
2:26 This might be my favorite thing about this video. Pogba going to bother a teammate during downtime by producing his own afrobeat on the door. Sidebar: If you don’t do the “Grindin’” drums while waiting to be let into a house party, you don’t deserve to be there.
3:07 “Uncle” Patrice Evra is bitching about Pogba being loud and blaring music and generally living his best life, just like an old.
(Patrice Evra is 12 years older than Paul Pogba.)
4:29 Sooner or later, everyone comes around. And I lied earlier. This is now my favorite thing about this video, and possibly my favorite thing in the entire world. Also, I’ll be so disappointed if I die before seeing this as a goal celebration.
4:47 It nearly took us five minutes, but we have our first dab. EA is putting this in FIFA 17 this year, by the way. Also, if any of y’all (you guys, EA employees) are reading this I would kindly thank you to patch in the “Hit Them Folks” as well.
5:15 Hey look, it’s Tony Parker!
5:24 Antoine Griezmann and Pogba are talking about how many rings Parker has, but I choose to believe that they’re trading couplets like Mannie Fresh and Birdman in the third verse of “Still Fly.” Yeah, I did just say Griezmann and Pogba are the new Big Tymers. And we can argue about that, but it’ll be a short argument. In fact, it’s already over — I decided I was right. You are, however, more than welcome to form your own opinion about who’s Fresh and who’s Baby.
Also, remember when rap songs had third verses?
6:21 How can you say Pogba isn’t focused and dedicated? Look at all this focus and dedication.
6:39 Look at him five-holing N’Golo Kanté in practice and celebrating like a lunatic. I want to be as good at anything as Pogba is at enjoying life. Or putting 60-yard driven balls on a dime.
7:35 The salute-to-dab maneuver is flawless (also, feel free to use this to exit all future group texts and email threads). Just look at it — the grace, the form, the power. France 2–1 on Thursday. I’m calling it.