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We’re Ready to ‘Bleed for This’

Five thoughts on Miles Teller’s big boxing movie

Open Road Films
Open Road Films

Bleed for This left-hooks into theaters on November 23, and this week it gave us a right jab of a trailer. The film stars Miles Teller and tells the story of real-life boxing legend Vinny Pazienza, who suffered a broken neck in a car accident — only to overcome the injury and return to the ring.

We’re calling it right now: Bleed for This is a live one.

Here are five reasons why:

1. Teller

I think you think you’re ready for this performance, but you’re not. I can tell you’re not ready because you’re reading this right now instead of emailing your local gym an official complaint about how their hours are shit. I can tell you’re not ready because the last time we talked you weren’t practicing a fake accent for literally no reason. I can tell you’re not ready because I can tell exactly what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that this is going to be one of those fine-but-failed “awards bait” performances — one of those rote transactions in which an up-and-coming Heartthrob With a Dream is, like, “Sports, but also hospitals,” and then gets a Metacritic Surprise (I’ll tell you when you’re 21). You’re thinking that this is going to be something you’ve seen.

You’re wrong.

Here’s the deal: Miles Teller is about to go Full Fucking Hemingway. Miles Teller is about to make Ansel Elgort fold up his penis and go home. Miles Teller is about to get on a group Skype with Merriam-Webster and Wikipedia and the Secretary of Education and bat around a few ideas for where to take “Telleresque” this millennium. Miles Teller is about to make Robert De Niro’s last words on his deathbed to his great-great-grandchildren be, “I never wore a leopard-print thong on film and now I have to die with that regret and also with knowing that Miles Teller is the GOAT; I’ve wasted my life; goodbye.” Miles Teller is about to merge “Miles Teller,” MILES TELLER, and Miles Teller into one. Miles Teller is about to punch your favorite movie in the face.

2. The Boxing Cinema Revival Continues

Creed is our Rocky; the Bleed for This trailer is our Raging Bull.

3. Year of Eckhart

No idea why we’re burying this at no. 3, because I’m pretty sure it’s breaking news. The Ringer can now exclusively report that the actor who plays the trainer in Bleed for This … and the actor who plays the copilot in Sully … are the same actor. To repeat: We’re not saying they look alike. We’re saying they’re the same, exact actor. We’re saying it’s one actor, playing two roles.

Hear me out: In Sully, we see an actor with a mustache and a full head of hair. In Bleed for This, we see an actor with no mustache and a balding head of hair. Taken separately, these photos absolutely would appear to represent different people.

But here’s the thing — and this is the part that is going to blow people’s minds: Combine the photos. Take a little of the first photo; and then take a little of the second. Merge them together in your mind. Now … what do you have? Yup: It’s a guy with a full head of hair — and no mustache. Remind you of anyone?

*major spoilers below*

It’s AARON ECKHART. If you don’t believe me, look for yourself:

Open Road Films; Village Roadshow Pictures; Getty Images

Open Road Films; Village Roadshow Pictures; Getty Images

Wow, fam. Acting is crazy. What a mind-blowing transformation. And if I can be bold for a minute: I don’t even think it’s too soon to speculate that Aaron Eckhart could be the Best Supporting Actor front-runner at next year’s Oscars. How many actors in the entire world could play one role … and then play another role … as if it’s nothing?

But it isn’t nothing. The Year of Eckhart has arrived.

4. #GemmaHive: The Movement

Katey Sagal is a king.

5. The Title

I’m trying to be measured here, but I can’t: Bleed for This is my favorite movie title of all time. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head and I haven’t been able to stop saying it. Bleed for This. I can’t explain it. Bleed for This. It’s such a beautiful vulgar majestic graphic nonsense … gift. “How’s it going?” “Bleed for this.” “What time is it?” “Bleed for this.” “Are you finishing that sandwich?” “Bleed for this.”

Also, tell me one movie in history that wouldn’t be better if its title were Bleed for This. Seriously, I’m asking. The Godfather, Toy Story, The Social Network, It’s a Wonderful Life: Let’s change them all to Bleed for This.

And maybe that’s why we’re so excited. Bleed for This is already a great movie — because it’s already every movie.