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The Cleveland Misery Index

Matthew Hollister
Matthew Hollister

Lots of stats will tell you how dreadful Game 2 was for the Cavs, but this one hits the hardest: Richard Jefferson played 26 minutes, which should be illegal for a team in the NBA Finals. Needless to say, there isn’t any optimism in Cleveland after the Warriors’ 110–77 drubbing of the Cavs — there is only misery. Here are some of the most miserable among us:

1. Kyrie Irving

After shooting 5-for-14 from the field and failing to get to the free throw line at all in Game 2, Kyrie has officially replaced Kevin Love as the Cavs player most likely to receive a scornful subtweet from LeBron. Though Cleveland fans were eager to embrace him in the wake of LeBron’s departure to Miami, Irving’s refusal to play defense and tendency to wallow has made him a poor fit for what the Cavs are trying to accomplish — which is a real shame, because he’s incredibly talented. This is starting to feel like the end of the line for his time in Cleveland, and he needs a motivational, emoji-laden text from Coach K in the worst way.

2. J.R. Smith

Before Game 1, I considered whether J.R. Smith was the best shooter in the Finals. (Just look at his pre-Finals stats!) Four days and two games later, he’s 2-of-7 from 3-point range with a measly eight total points. Meanwhile, Draymond Green is doing this:

3. David Griffin

Right now, David Blatt is the living embodiment of the “But That’s None of My Business” meme, and there’s nothing that Cavs GM Griffin can do about it. You know Blatt is bragging to his new Turkish neighbors about how he beat the Warriors twice in last year’s Finals without Kyrie and Kevin Love.

4. Iman Shumpert’s Hair Stylist

There’s bad hair, and then there’s what Shumpert had going on Sunday night:

5. ESPN2 Viewers

Notorious LeBron hater Skip Bayless has only a few days left at First Take (*raised-hands emoji*), and you best believe he’ll want to go out with the “Bohemian Rhapsody” of LeBron takes. My prediction: He’ll attribute the Cavs’ loss to LeBron’s outsize focus on philanthropy.

6. The Oklahoma City Thunder

There’s no way Kevin Durant hasn’t already hit Billy Donovan with a “This could be us but you playing” text. It’s got to be painful watching the team you should’ve beaten in the conference finals annihilate a team you would’ve beaten in the Finals.

7, 8, and 9. Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy, and Mark Jackson

When it’s all said and done, this year’s Finals might be remembered most for reducing Breen and Co. to sharing an anecdote about Steve Kerr’s trip to a Paul Simon concert, which was way more entertaining than the on-court action. That’s how uncompetitive Game 2 was.

10. Tyronn Lue

After Game 1, Lue was outspoken about the Cavs’ need to pick up the pace. As of Game 2, this message clearly had yet to resonate with the team. Maybe the third time will be the charm! (Don’t get your hopes up, Cleveland.)