Word got out Wednesday that a Texas politician is suing Dez Bryant for allegedly trashing the house the Cowboys wide receiver had been renting from him in a Dallas suburb. And lord, did he trash it, according to longtime state senator Royce West. West, who defended Bryant in a domestic abuse case involving Dez’s mother, filed a lawsuit alleging that the wideout caused “irreparable damage to carpeting, flooring, window, shutters, and blinds” and left behind “distinct and pervasive odors throughout” and “animal feces, trash, debris, and personal property.”
Join the club, buddy. Though Bryant might be the only athlete to have adopted a monkey while renting (given that police began investigating the primate’s whereabouts shortly after Bryant made its existence public, it’s unclear whether the monkey — for which he would have needed a special permit — ever lived in West’s home), he joins a long line of high-profile sports figures who have done unspeakable things to the places they were renting. Below, a compendium of things they’ve done (or at least what they were accused of in the resulting lawsuits).
Tim Lincecum, 2011
Remember the glory days of 2011? Timmy had recently gotten popped on the freeway for possession of weed, the Giants could be great without anyone saying the words “even year,” and the Freak was free to do whatever he wanted to the carpet, furniture, doors, appliances, artwork, and most everything else in his San Francisco apartment. Free until his landlord sued, anyway.
Kellen Winslow Jr., 2012
“The house was overpowered with a putrid stench of animal waste.” The Persian rugs “were stained with dog urine and also littered with dog feces.” All this and more in less than six months in Rancho Santa Fe, California.
Todd Haley, 2013
After Haley’s wife complained that the suburban Pittsburgh home was infested with spiders, relations with the owner of their $1.4 million rental house seem to have deteriorated. In the end, the Haleys departed — and took microwaves, shrubs, faucets, the kitchen countertop, and toilets.
Will Hill, 2014
Like playing paintball, but hate the great outdoors? You might consider moving in with Hill. Watch your step for maggots and, of course, MORE FECES!
Nerlens Noel, 2015
Noel’s purported infractions include clogging toilets with “cotton balls and feces” and drizzling Gatorade throughout this house outside Philadelphia. A day after the owners demanded $42,000 to cover the damages, they claim that a tombstone bearing the inscription “RIP” appeared on their doorstep (!).
Paul Pierce, 2015
Among Pierce’s contributions to the $3.7 million apartment he rented in Tribeca, according to the unit’s owner: ripping out wooden floors and replacing them with pink carpet. On the one hand, pink carpet; on the other, if I were paying $30,000 per month for an apartment, I’d probably feel like I could put pink carpet wherever I wanted, too.
Ivan Nova, 2015
If you like “hordes of cockroaches” and “confusing ‘gum stains,’” you will love hosting the Novas.
Johnny Manziel, 2016
Can you imagine owning a home, much less one worth $4.5 million in West Hollywood, and thinking, yes, it seems like a perfectly good idea to let Johnny Manziel stay for a few days? No? Maybe you wouldn’t come home to broken tables and doors, wine stains, and a Champagne glass in your tree, then. Manziel was served legal papers seeking damages on his way out of a club.
Carlos Boozer and Prince, 2004
This case is listed last because it went the other way: Boozer rented his 10-bedroom West Hollywood mansion in 2004 to Prince, who immediately commenced elaborate modifications. These included: painting the pillars purple, turning a bedroom into a beauty salon/massage parlor, installing black carpet throughout the house, and turning the weight room into a nightclub, complete with a disco ball. Prince made nice in the end, changing everything back to the way it was before moving out. No word on whether feces made an appearance.